When Things Start To Go Wrong....

[RemyBolt 420]

Well, it's about 2am, and I'm back posting about my ratting earlier on.

 

Have you ever posted anything that you later think "Wow, that was stupid of me! I really shouldn't have posted that on a public forum!!!"? Ever had that? Well I think this is going to be one of those posts.

 

So far, I've never had a 'bad day' out. I've had off days, and 'not as good as last time' days. But I've never had a day that I thought "DAMN, that was some messed up outing!!!!" That was, until just now.

 

As I said, it's around 2am, and I'm pumped on caffeine, so this might not make huge sense. I hope it does, as it's a hell of a funny story. From bad to worse, to ridiculous, to 'the only way it could be worse would be if I ended up in the back of an ambulance'.

 

Right, so here's the scene.

 

I'm back on my friends chicken farm. He's taking me to a few of the 'houses' again, same as last time. We went to numbers 4, 7 and then 3, in that order.

 

Barn 4 was good, got a shot, slightly to the right, but it was the first shot of the day, and it hit in the hind quarters of the rat. My friends dog blazes over to it and finished the job for me. Scratch 1 rat. Pretty good start. Obviously, the first shot was not ideal, but it was shooting straight before, so no reason for alarm...yet.

 

Then we went upstairs. Looking down the egg-belt, see these red eyes looking down. Another hit, reload, then pop a third. I'm feeling damn good now. First shot was off, but the next 2 flew home and clear. Kill shots. But no bodies could be seen?!?! Urm, wait. Dead rats don't tend to run off! This is not quite right.

 

Then we get over to Barn 7. I remember this one, I'm walking in there as 'The Great I am' feeling super confident. I know the layout, it's got a wet section on the left, about 3 feet from the back wall. It's about 2 inches deep. So when we open the front door, the dog shoots off right, so I jet off to the left, down the solid section of ground. Well, it turns out that dry part 3 feet from the wall was actually 'house 6'. House 7 has a 2 foot deep water-trap filled with chicken poo, wee, and minging stagnant water. So as the door opens, guess what I run head into?!?! Damn right. I just sink do my shins suddenly. Because it was dark, I just went by memory and, knowing there was a dry patch at the far end against the side wall, I start to run over there. But memory served me wrong. I was still thinking House 6, while we were in Swampy 7. I end up being stood in 9 inches of chicken crap, with warm wet shoes and trousers, thinking "I don't care if I don't get a kill in this house. I just want out of this."

 

The next 8 minutes sees me with one hand up against the wall retching my guts up. For a good few minutes I thought I was going to vom. In no way, shape, or form, can I explain how I managed to keep down the pre-hunt meal. Hand on heart, I thought it was all going to come up. My shoes (don't ask me why I hadn't changed to my boots), managed to absorb about a litre of chicken-ming-water and warm my feet for the next few hours. However, although they did make a hell of a squelchy sound, they did managed to stay warm. Further more, the stench must have disguised my body's natural smell. I was gagging! Chicken poo stinks, even at the best of times! Imagine 5000 chickens! Yep. Very unimpressed RemyBolt here!

 

I'll finish up tomorrow morning, but at the moment, please feel free to laugh. It was horrifically funny, and disgusting!

[PIL 7]

bet you think twice next time you go running into barn 6

Fair play to sharing your plight

[secretagentmole 1,701]

Bet you also remember to wear ruddy wellies next time!

You poor sod!

[RemyBolt 420]

PIL, what are you doing awake and reading my drivel at that time of day? I was going to pop back on, nice and early, and finish the story. Which is what I'm about to do now.

 

 

 

Continued...

 

Okay, so far you can tell things have not gone too well for me. I've never had a really bad day before, so I've not had much to deal with in regard to what to do with this kind of day. We go back to the truck, laugh at my great unsuccess, and just chat a little before heading over to House 4.

 

So here I am, stinking like chicken turd, chicken pee, and squelching with every step I take. There is no way I could hide this pungent aroma that keeps bringing tears to my eyes, and the possibility of throwing up to my throat. Neither am I able to quietly move. Walking on dry ground sounds like traipsing through Glastonbury Festival mid-rain, with knee deep mud. Maybe I should have changed my shoes?!?!

 

By the time we pop back to House 4, my trousers are no longer warm, wet and stinking. They are cold, wet and stinking. Not enjoyable. We go upstairs and I notice a beast of a rat crossing above the beam over a window. I scope up on him, cross hairs on his head, pull the trigger....he drops! Well, kind of. The shot finds it target, full impact, and it falls backwards. This issue this time (there's an issue every time) is that he gets caught between the beam he was walking on, and the security screen frame. So he just hangs there, dangling his body, tail doing a helicopter impression, infront of some chicken wire grid, for about 10 seconds before dropping back behind the screen and down outside the barn. Okay, I'm happy with that kill. The manager's son whom came with us was not so pleased. Mildly traumatised is probably the best way to describe it. Could this outing get any worse?

 

So we pop back downstairs in House 4, and we go into the 'running around area' (I don't know the technical term for it, but it's a wide open area and there are wooden ladder style walk ways on it to let the chickens run up and down). The rats have a horrible habit of using the frame for these 'ladders' (about 6 feet wide and 5.5-6 feet high, running at a 45 degree angle to the floor) as their walk ways. Which means that when we get inside there, you're almost guaranteed a kill by hugging the wall and looking just below the ladder's top frame. When we get inside, I see a pretty small rat run straight away infront of me. I scope up and miss! What the hell is going on?!?! My shots are all going right, but not by the same amount. Usually it's pretty easy to compensate, but not today.

 

The manager has hit the wall and calls me over quickly. I run over to him, in the dark, and the manager is met with the cursing of a frustrated and embarrassed crap-shot (like a crack-shot, but reversed) as he trips his hefting size 11's through the corner of one of the damn ladder! Really? Are you serious? The ladder shouldn't be there! This is House......BOLLOCKS!!!! This is House 4, not House 3. House 3 has the ladders starting half way down, and the door at the direct right. House 4 has ladders immediately right. Even with that, I still managed to compensate my right swinging shots, to take out one of the rats on the ladder's support frame.

 

Total for today's hunt...

 

My Score: 4 confirmed kills.

Dog Score: 4 confirmed kills.

 

I would claim a few 90's (where you're 90% certain it was a kill, but you can't retrieve the body because it fell down a hole or between boards or something like that) but the thing is, if I was shooting well, and my scope was in point, I'd be happy to claim them as 90's, but I wasn't.

 

If you want to know how off my scope was, the rat that dangled....my head shot was actually just behind his front legs, a perfect heart and lung shot, but my intended target, with compensation was just below 2 inches over from where it hit.

 

Lessons for todays hunt:

 

1. Don't enter an area thinking you know it well, if you've only been there once before.

2. When transporting your rifle, make sure you don't knock the scope.

3. ALWAYS HAVE SPARE TROUSERS IN THE CAR!!!

4. Spare shoes too (Thank goodness I had both).

5. Double check the scope before you get on target.

6. Learn to laugh at yourself, because everyone else will do it too, so you might as well join in the fun.

7. If everything starts going wrong, only do small things so that you can have small mistakes.

8. If everything goes wrong, don't turn and drive home! You'll get a flat tyre or something. Just have fun.

 

 

 

 

p.s. I forgot to mention the 45 minutes I sat in House 3, on a pallet, and heard the rats scurrying above on the roof, but not a single one came down. I think they could smell me.

 

 

 

Today's hunting trip.....EPIC FAIL!!!

 

Today's hunting trip outcome.......brilliant stories for down the pub.

[RemyBolt 420]

OH, forgot to mention why I was posting at 2am!!!

 

I got changed at the site then went home.

 

I got home, took my 'chicken trousers' out of a bag and lay them in the front garden, along with my shoes. I boiled the kettle 5 times in total, and poured the boiling water over the trousers and shoes to clear it all off and to make a foot bath to scrub myself clean. Thankfully the wife was staying over night in Oxford.

 

The trousers had to come out of the washing machine and up to dry. The wife is a veggie, so I'm not meant to hunt. She knows that I do, but doesn't want to hear or see anything about it. So had to do all my own washing last night and get it all on the radiators to dry ASAP!!!

 

Our front garden may end up smelling of chicken turd if I don't sort that out....so may the boot of my car.

[Daz39 962]

Haha rank! You should ask Bigmac what he laid in while scoping up the other night !!!

[villaman 9,983]

I bet you cant wait for the wife to come back and do your washing for you :laugh:

[Stuart1985 256]

this made me laugh, glad your alright tho

[Mawders 595]

Epic story. Very good mate. Made me chuckle.

[risingfriend 1,042]

funny as nice write up though

[PIL 7]

PIL, what are you doing awake and reading my drivel at that time of day?

I just got back from doing a spot of bunny bashing with Dearing of here , thought I'd nip in for a gander and came across your calamity :laugh:

[walshie 2,804]

My condolences to Dearing.

[PIL 7]

My condolences to Dearing.

I can see another trip to Kent coming off to give you another lesson :laugh: