baw 4,360 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 I was at it hammer and tongs wit me missus she was roarin'' Im gona cum " im gona cum" wat I didn't notice was in the corner of the room I forgot her mothers pride and joy was sittin there lookin at us ..a pom terrier the dog then jumped on the bed and started lickin me hole and balls I nearly shot thru the roof so shes cumin im gettin rimmed by my mother in laws so called 'baby' I kicked dog out cleaned me arse of dog drool and went down to wacth movie wit the in laws and the mother has the dog on her laps im pmslbas the dog is lickin her mouth and face ....sick f***ing brilliant :clapper: 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Speakin about hitting some one just woke up an hour ago some one was away to start on me in my sleep I grabbed his arm and woke up as I punched the girlfriend in the cheek lol no joke either don't think it's goin to bruise ? Sake )Better hope she doesn't have a dream tonight about cutting up a wee maggot wi a pair of scissors then eh??? Lol lol I'm be stayin in the caravan just in case ) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 28,654 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Ok this is a cracker,,, and the mrs has just asked me,,,,,she's watching the old film legend with Tom cruise,,,, and she's asks and I quote,,,,, "we're unicorns real"........ My sides are hurting for laffing at her.....lol,,, the best bit is she says,,,, no I mean did they die out like the do do,,,,,,,for fecks sake ,,I'm married to this woman...lol. God help me 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NEWKID 28,606 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Ok this is a cracker,,, and the mrs has just asked me,,,,,she's watching the old film legend with Tom cruise,,,, and she's asks and I quote,,,,, "we're unicorns real"........ My sides are hurting for laffing at her.....lol,,, the best bit is she says,,,, no I mean did they die out like the do do,,,,,,,for fecks sake ,,I'm married to this woman...lol. God help me Haha that's a cracker mate, My sister in law was round my parents house having roast once, they had not long been together and she was about 15.. My dad said "do want some horse radish sauce" no way" she replies "that's cruel on horses" lol.. My wife thought a fly drive meant you drive your cars on the plane ( like a ferry) lol 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 I know a lassie that put a plastic kettle on the f***ing oven hob!!!!!! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Ok this is a cracker,,, and the mrs has just asked me,,,,,she's watching the old film legend with Tom cruise,,,, and she's asks and I quote,,,,, "we're unicorns real"........ My sides are hurting for laffing at her.....lol,,, the best bit is she says,,,, no I mean did they die out like the do do,,,,,,,for fecks sake ,,I'm married to this woman...lol. God help me we where watching a steam train climb the mountain side somewhere in wales people waving at us full steam on ... she says its very realistic for a model 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
.WARREN. 288 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 when i was 17 i had an old bird teaching me the job --one night she says do you fancy a 69 i thought feck it why not we get into posistion and she farts within seconds she lets another one rip --- i jumped up she says whats up --i said fook that i cant stand another 67 of them ....... HAD ME IN STITCHES THAT STIG :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RossM 8,149 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Ok this is a cracker,,, and the mrs has just asked me,,,,,she's watching the old film legend with Tom cruise,,,, and she's asks and I quote,,,,, "we're unicorns real"........ My sides are hurting for laffing at her.....lol,,, the best bit is she says,,,, no I mean did they die out like the do do,,,,,,,for fecks sake ,,I'm married to this woman...lol. God help me My missus was getting excited about eastenders one night and she was trying to shhhhhh me and she said "shut up, this is the one when Billy wakes up dead...." 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
redial 81 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Took the pigeons on a training toss told my wife how far it was from home and what time they would return. She said it will be much further for them we've come by road. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 when i was 17 i had an old bird teaching me the job --one night she says do you fancy a 69 i thought feck it why not we get into posistion and she farts within seconds she lets another one rip --- i jumped up she says whats up --i said fook that i cant stand another 67 of them ....... HAD ME IN STITCHES THAT STIG :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TOMO 28,654 Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 Some classics there,, stig, rm...lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
johnny boy68 11,726 Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 In Blackpool years ago and said to my girlfriend "do you fancy going to see Bernard Manning?" she said "Bugger that, I can't listen to some guy talking about turkeys !" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
salclalin 240 Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 Me and my EX were watching Horse Racing on the Telly.I said to her Pick a horse.She said i'll have the Bottom Horse.Going.Good. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
haymin 2,465 Posted May 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 Well after given the bird a dink on Friday in my sleep woke up this morning facing a pair of feet lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the_stig 6,614 Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Some classics there,, stig, rm...lol round the car boot this morning i bought a carved soap stone head of a spanish man about 4 inch tall --i`ve got it in my hand and the woman on another stall says are you buying that i looked at her a bit puzzled i said i`ve already bought it -- well you hav`nt paid for it she gets her husband as he paid you for this head he looks puzzled no its not ours --so he shows her theres its carved wood african head about 14 inch tall ---he winks at me its a bit early mate -- i says to the mrs ffs then shes i can see why she thought it was hers you need a bag ---- i tell you shes getting fooking worse as she gets older -------------- and i thought it was only kids that wanted to pee 5 mins after you`ve driven away from the toilets Edited May 5, 2013 by the_stig 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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