milegajo 595 Posted April 30, 2013 Report Share Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) As I was shovelling shite this morning, a very weasely fellow sidled up behind me. When I noted his presence, his "Mr Miles?" brought my guard up instantly. Rightly too. He was a sniffer dog sent out by 'Tenant Services'. It appears that zeroing your rifle in your own back yard into a steel funnel pellet trap affixed securely to a concrete wall is deemed 'Unusual activity' for which ordinarily one must beg and submit for permission to engage in. In his view. So say, the noise and disturbance caused by my infrequent pellet tests has aroused concern from unnamed parties. I directed him to contact the plaintiffs to suggest they grow up and address their concerns to me directly. He told me "That's not how it works these days'. I regretfully agreed that he may be right. I have been warned that my chickens need to write in and seek the councils blessing. I passed this message onto them, but I'm not entirely certain they understood. Perhaps the white one did as she spat her disdain on the floor from her back-end... It seems also that feeding the remains of a pigeon to your dog in your back garden is a no-no... (I did tidy up afterwards!) Well, this evening, I perused my postage stamp kingdom through my telescopic ocular so that I may spy any invaders. Sure enough, there on my lawn feasting his fat breasts was my old adversary Mr Pujin. I ruefully gazed, powerless to act in the manner my muscles urged. Perhaps it was the power of my concentration that did it, but all of a sudden he appeared to suffer a catastrophic aneurism! His head literally exploded before my eyes! Dear God! Says I as I rushed to don my hat and coat. Hastily I stumbled out the door with the first aid kit and 999 pre-dialed on my mobile telephonic device. The striken blighter was, alas, stone dead. I sobbed inside as I carried his broken little body into my domicile. Blood was still pumping from his horrific trauma and dripping on the concrete, I made a mental note to wash the path lest any offended parties get the wrong impression! I performed a rudimentary autopsy; Whilst quite clearly a horrendous stroke of some description, if I were into conspiracy theories I'd be tempted to say that this was the work of a JSB Exact 8.4gr pellet sent flying at approximately 9-10ft/lbs from a Webley ValueMax .177 spring piston air rifle from around 12-15 yards at a downward 30 degree angle! Blubbering like a little school girl, my dear lady love shushed and cradled me as I wailed and lamented at the catastrophe I had witnessed. I felt so powerless, how could God allow such terror and awfulness to befall such a fluffy feathered wonder as this. Yes the beggar was in my garden, but WHY GOD WHY! My anguished cries most certainly prompted numerous more calls to Mr Weasel at Tenant Services, so I resolved to be rid of the evidence... DELICIOUS! The dog thought so too! Edited April 30, 2013 by milegajo 5 Quote Link to post
reaper1064 285 Posted April 30, 2013 Report Share Posted April 30, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss, remember that time is a great healer, just remember the good times. Chin up mate. Quote Link to post
milegajo 595 Posted April 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss, remember that time is a great healer, just remember the good times. Chin up mate. Thanks pal. Lets hope it never ever happens again. It tasted too good! Quote Link to post
Stuart1985 256 Posted April 30, 2013 Report Share Posted April 30, 2013 Hahahahahaha grassy knoll. Quote Link to post
Rake aboot 4,929 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 I can see that you`re going to end up in as much conflict as you did on your little empire, erlier in the year. You really need to get a house on it`s own somewhere. At the end of the day, if someone has reported you once, they will keep at it , and these days, the council won`t rehome you, they will just banner you as antisocial and turf you out. People are small minded enough not to care, so you be careful now bud. ATB Quote Link to post
whippet 99 2,613 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 what a screech you are.........funny as fook.... 2 Quote Link to post
The one 8,398 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 Aye really funny but your just building up problems for the future Quote Link to post
Bernard Anderson 2 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 You don't live in Cheshire do you? the same thing keeps happening in my garden too!! it must be an epidemic! ...... and i think Magpies can catch it too! Quote Link to post
milegajo 595 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 I can see that you`re going to end up in as much conflict as you did on your little empire, erlier in the year. You really need to get a house on it`s own somewhere. At the end of the day, if someone has reported you once, they will keep at it , and these days, the council won`t rehome you, they will just banner you as antisocial and turf you out. People are small minded enough not to care, so you be careful now bud. ATB Same crossed my mind, figured I best start drinking, smash the wife about, deal drugs, play loud music at stupid o'clock and have the police dragged out on a nightly basis. THEN I'd be safe as they seem to be able to do bugger all in those cases! 4 Quote Link to post
milegajo 595 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) You don't live in Cheshire do you? the same thing keeps happening in my garden too!! it must be an epidemic! ...... and i think Magpies can catch it too! Oh dear! it appears this phenomena is not only contagious across species, but its spread south to Gloucestershire! Perhaps they're eating uncooked rice is it? Or is that an urban myth? Edited May 1, 2013 by milegajo Quote Link to post
secretagentmole 1,701 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 I would say it is one of the new armed Sparrow section, they are more likely to use .177! You got a Labrador these days Mike? Quote Link to post
milegajo 595 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) I would say it is one of the new armed Sparrow section, they are more likely to use .177! You got a Labrador these days Mike? Oh aye, Al Qaeda sponsored sparrows no doubt I'll keep the hedgerows under surveillance! I'd love a Lab, but that (once) little Staffie Pup is proving rather likeable. Edited May 1, 2013 by milegajo Quote Link to post
secretagentmole 1,701 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 Staffie? Oh well, now you are in for it, they have hard heads and like jumping at people, I would buy a cricket box if I were you! Quote Link to post
ArchieHood 3,692 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 I would say it is one of the new armed Sparrow section, they are more likely to use .177! You got a Labrador these days Mike? Oh aye, Al Qaeda sponsored sparrows no doubt I'll keep the hedgerows under surveillance! I'd love a Lab, but that (once) little Staffie Pup is proving rather likeable. .............................Chav. 2 Quote Link to post
Mawders 595 Posted May 1, 2013 Report Share Posted May 1, 2013 Makes me chuckle when I see young miles walking down the road with his Adidas track suit bottoms on and reebok trainers taking his staffie for a walk. 1 Quote Link to post
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