Darwin Awards

[sussex 5,803]

Lara.....how do you keep a straight face when someone is telling the story of how they got what up were ,? I would be cracking up (no pun intended)

[LaraCroft 863]

Not sure where I heard this story, here goes.

 

Lads dickin about and the tale of the lightbulb in the mouth gets talked about, so one of them tries it and gets the lockjaw. They call a taxi to take them to hospital, taxi driver taking the piss out of them, anyway, 20 minutes later why they are in A&E waiting room, taxi driver turns up with a lightbulb in his mouth LOL

 

You ever see that one Lara?

Nope - not heard of them in mouths before

[LaraCroft 863]

Lara.....how do you keep a straight face when someone is telling the story of how they got what up were ,? I would be cracking up (no pun intended)

Practice - and no I don't always manage it. A lot of times you can get away with laughing with the person about what has happened, sometimes, they get annoyed and *insist* that it happened as they said...however implausible it is, then you not only have to listen to the story, but type it into their notes too

[Waz 4,293]

 

Not sure where I heard this story, here goes.

 

Lads dickin about and the tale of the lightbulb in the mouth gets talked about, so one of them tries it and gets the lockjaw. They call a taxi to take them to hospital, taxi driver taking the piss out of them, anyway, 20 minutes later why they are in A&E waiting room, taxi driver turns up with a lightbulb in his mouth LOL

 

You ever see that one Lara?

Nope - not heard of them in mouths before

[Blackbriar 8,569]

 

Lara.....how do you keep a straight face when someone is telling the story of how they got what up were ,? I would be cracking up (no pun intended)

Practice - and no I don't always manage it. A lot of times you can get away with laughing with the person about what has happened, sometimes, they get annoyed and *insist* that it happened as they said...however implausible it is, then you not only have to listen to the story, but type it into their notes too

.... then take the pi55 in on-line forums !!

[LaraCroft 863]

 

 

Lara.....how do you keep a straight face when someone is telling the story of how they got what up were ,? I would be cracking up (no pun intended)

Practice - and no I don't always manage it. A lot of times you can get away with laughing with the person about what has happened, sometimes, they get annoyed and *insist* that it happened as they said...however implausible it is, then you not only have to listen to the story, but type it into their notes too

.... then take the pi55 in on-line forums !!

uh huh !

[Outlaw Pete 2,224]

Lara - any interesting incidents involving vaccuum cleaner accessories and unlikely explanations.....?

 

("I was doing the hoovering in the nude and......")

 

 

Damn! And I was trying to not get involved in this one! This is fate though. I just hope you find this easier to follow than I'll find writing it. It makes my head spin, trying to remember all the characters involved and how they link up. But, I swear to you: This is true!

 

My first wife, upon our separating, took up with a guy we'll call Derek. Derek worked in a local branch of Curries, the then well known and wide spread electrical goods chain store.

 

That's how Derek came to know 'Jack'. Jack was a young kid who used to drop by Dereks branch and soon revealed an absolutely encyclopaedic knowledge of all things pertaining to hoovers.

 

I mean, this kid was way beyond just a hoover nerd. He could reel off the exact specifications of any type or brand of hoover you care to mention. Wattage. Suction power. What ever hoover engineers might know a bit of? This kid knew the f**king lot. By heart.

 

Now, my ex and I were still on good terms. So, I got to hear about this weird kid from her. We both just brushed it off as some kid with a slightly nerdy passion, who was bugging poor Derek with his coming in and wanting to get a demonstration of every and any new hoover that came on the market.

 

Now I must introduce Graham and Tara. Old friends of my ex and I. They worked at a local hospital. In A&E. This must have been back around the 80's / 90's? Remember when they brought out those Black and Decker Wall Mounted little hand held hoovers?

 

Today, I have a Dyson one. Great little thing. Just the job for cleaning off the in takes of the computer and such. But, back in the day, the B&D wall mounted was said to give far more suck for your buck than any of the previous things people cleaned their motors foot wells with.

 

Of course, the rest of this pretty much writes itself, doesn't it? Yes: A couple of years later, a teenage lad is rushed into A&E with Horrible injuries. Graham and Tara told my ex. She told me. It seems that, while his parents were out one evening, this lad decided to have a snack of tea and biscuits. He was sat in his dressing gown watching TV.

 

Crumbs on his lap. He went and fetched the families flash, new B&D, wall mounted, hand held hoover. He sat down and proceeded to suck the crumbs from the lap of his dressing gown .....

 

That's the story he gave the medics. The story the surgeon later gave Him was that in ten, maybe fifteen years, he may be able to use his mutilated member for more than just pissing with again.

 

I understand H&S now insists on some sort of safety grill between the 'mouth' and working parts of all such hoovers?

 

I guess they might have called that " Jacks Law ".

 

[stabba 10,745]

 

Lara - any interesting incidents involving vaccuum cleaner accessories and unlikely explanations.....?

 

("I was doing the hoovering in the nude and......")

 

Damn! And I was trying to not get involved in this one! This is fate though. I just hope you find this easier to follow than I'll find writing it. It makes my head spin, trying to remember all the characters involved and how they link up. But, I swear to you: This is true!

 

My first wife, upon our separating, took up with a guy we'll call Derek. Derek worked in a local branch of Curries, the then well known and wide spread electrical goods chain store.

 

That's how Derek came to know 'Jack'. Jack was a young kid who used to drop by Dereks branch and soon revealed an absolutely encyclopaedic knowledge of all things pertaining to hoovers.

 

I mean, this kid was way beyond just a hoover nerd. He could reel off the exact specifications of any type or brand of hoover you care to mention. Wattage. Suction power. What ever hoover engineers might know a bit of? This kid knew the f**king lot. By heart.

 

Now, my ex and I were still on good terms. So, I got to hear about this weird kid from her. We both just brushed it off as some kid with a slightly nerdy passion, who was bugging poor Derek with his coming in and wanting to get a demonstration of every and any new hoover that came on the market.

 

Now I must introduce Graham and Tara. Old friends of my ex and I. They worked at a local hospital. In A&E. This must have been back around the 80's / 90's? Remember when they brought out those Black and Decker Wall Mounted little hand held hoovers?

 

Today, I have a Dyson one. Great little thing. Just the job for cleaning off the in takes of the computer and such. But, back in the day, the B&D wall mounted was said to give far more suck for your buck than any of the previous things people cleaned their motors foot wells with.

 

Of course, the rest of this pretty much writes itself, doesn't it? Yes: A couple of years later, a teenage lad is rushed into A&E with Horrible injuries. Graham and Tara told my ex. She told me. It seems that, while his parents were out one evening, this lad decided to have a snack of tea and biscuits. He was sat in his dressing gown watching TV.

 

Crumbs on his lap. He went and fetched the families flash, new B&D, wall mounted, hand held hoover. He sat down and proceeded to suck the crumbs from the lap of his dressing gown .....

 

That's the story he gave the medics. The story the surgeon later gave Him was that in ten, maybe fifteen years, he may be able to use his mutilated member for more than just pissing with again.

 

I understand H&S now insists on some sort of safety grill between the 'mouth' and working parts of all such hoovers?

 

I guess they might have called that " Jacks Law ".

 

Now that is a far cry away from having a sneaky pokey bum wank lol

[Blackbriar 8,569]

http://top10king.com/crazy-objects-found-in-peoples-bumbums/

 

 

the next time you can't find your keys..........

[sussex 5,803]

You have got to be fcuking wrong in the head to start shoving half the house up your shiter ......this is supposed to be a an exit hole for fcuks sake ..!!!!

[Blackbriar 8,569]

A light bulb up your jacksy !! At what point do you think......"Mmmmm.....I wonder if....." ???