New Terror Threat

[Shrophunter 7]

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A bit cross". The English have not been "A bit cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A bloody nuisance". The last time the English issued a "Bloody nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.

 

The Scots raised their threat level from "F**k off!" to "Lets get the b******s". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason why they have been on the frontline of the British Army for the last 300 years.

 

The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised it's terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and then "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

 

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain - "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful arrogance" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They also have two higher levels - "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose"

 

Belgians on the other hand are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

The Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all their allies..... just in case.

 

New Zealand has also raised it's security level from "Baa" to "BAAAAA". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the Air Force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "Oh dear, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of serious threat, New Zealanders will be asked to assemble in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi"

 

Australia meanwhile has raised it's security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right". Three more escalation levels remain - "Strewth", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

[shepp 2,285]

Thanks for that, brilliant!

[stainlee 27]

[iamduvern 62]

[andyfr1968 772]

That gave me the best laugh I've had for a while!!!

[CarraghsGem 92]

i like that a lot

[Mastiff 7]

[runforyourlife 361]

hahaha...good one.

[PatterJack 11]

"The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised it's terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and then "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability."

 

PMSL! excellent!!

[chimp 299]

very good

[Attack Fell Terrier 864]

 

Hehehehe

[bert the fert 28]

That was priceless

[KittleRox 2,147]