Blackbriar
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Everything posted by Blackbriar
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I had a recurring dream once.......
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I said to my wife "I had a terrible dream last night - you were in it." She said "And ?" I said "What do you mean 'and' ?".
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Is that to poke the buttons to change channel ?
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2 kids, 4 stepkids, 6 grandkids........2 cards ! After all I've fecking done for them....I don't know why I bother..They only phone when they want something...can't even be bothered to buy a card......but if I forget a birthday, I'll never hear the end of it...... .......good job I'm not the bitter sort !
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On my very first driving lesson, my instructor told me that, and it's stuck with me ever since - "assume everyone else is an idiot"..........number of years driving - nearly 30, number of accidents - nil ! Must be good advice........
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Rspca Election Results Announced...........
Blackbriar replied to Blackbriar's topic in General Talk
the horror stories don't make it to the media...my 6 year old son came home from school last week telling me what great work the rspca do with animals... Look at that "Dog Rescuers" on telly - portrayed as tireless heroes, giving mistreated dogs a new lease of life.........NOT mentioning that once a dog finds itself in the 'care' of RSPCA, there's a 50% chance it will be put down (along with around 1,000 others every week !) -
....and it looks like the lunatics have finally taken over the asylum ! http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/vegan-who-said-farming-holocaust-elected-rspcas-ruling-council-1507183
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My brother-in-law says, about someone he doesn't like, that he'll "set fire to him and put it out with a shovel."
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Another from my sainted mam. If she thinks someone's fat...... "He can eat two more 'taters than a pig !"
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My mam still says she's "seen more fat on a sparrow's kneecap..." Baffles me, that one !
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My mam used to say I had muscles like knots in cotton.....
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He/she has a face like a bag of spanners..
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I've heard something useless described as being "like a chocolate teapot" or a "chocolate fire guard".
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My wife's brother would say you "smell like a tart's handbag."
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In reply to 'I thought you knew/I thought you had it' etc, I've heard "You know what thought did ? Stuck a feather in the ground and thought he'd grow a chicken"........and I've heard it as far apart as Yorkshire and London.......
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If we asked where someone was, Dad would say that they "went mad, so I shot 'em !" Interesting how there's similar phrases in different regions. Similar to Peterhunters phrase, my dad used to say "and if me dad had tits he'd have been me mam."
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me mam still says it. ?..never really got my head around it My mam still says "Up my arse, top shelf !", even if you're only asking her where she keeps the sugar ! there nutters! Either that or both from Notts ?
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Another one from my grandad, "You're like a man made of smoke." Think it meant you were doing something too slow or not very well, but I'm not really sure !
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me mam still says it. ?..never really got my head around it My mam still says "Up my arse, top shelf !", even if you're only asking her where she keeps the sugar !
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You haven't lived 'til you've had a 9mm steel hit your bottom thumb joint !
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Yeah really !
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Following on from the "annoying phrases" thread, anyone got any silly or amusing sayings/phrases they've heard ? If I ever asked my grandad where he was going, he always used to say "There and back, see how far it is." Or if you asked him how far somewhere was, he'd say "Its only 5 minutes walk, if you run!" Any more..........?
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Years ago, I worked in a boozer and it used to annoy me to be asked for "a small half of bitter.".........." Sorry, we only serve large halves,pal !"
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Have your eyes ever been checked ? No, they've always been blue !
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End of......simple as.......
