alimac 882 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Are you Scottish? .......... You know you are a true Scot if........... (or in my case just been here to feckin long, lol) Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink. Ye measure distance in minutes. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words; how's it hingin clarty boggin cludgie pished get it up ye wee beasties amurny away an bile yer heid peely-wally humphey backit Ba'-heid baw bag dubble nugget And finally..... A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his bum aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zap 4 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 hey am scottish yin ee mist oot ,geez that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Terrie 12 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I like this one its a good one.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alimac 882 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 hey am scottish yin ee mist oot ,geez that yi kin geez some o that in your aviator Quote Link to post Share on other sites
zap 4 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 ali funny when i meet up with roy and haf at the midlands i have to try and speak proper so they know what i,m saying but after half a hour am back wi ma native tongue Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Away an stoap bumpin yer gums ya bletherin auld skite Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alimac 882 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Away an stoap bumpin yer gums ya bletherin auld skite Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Foxgun Tom 75 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 (edited) Scottish Chat up lines and Ice-breakers, borrowed from another forum: Mah love for you is like diarrohea,you can't hold it in. Are your parents retarded?Cause you're pure special. Did you fart? Cause you just blew me away. Is there a mirror in your pants?Cause i can see mysell in them. Your body reminds me of a spanner.Every time i see you my nuts tighten up. You might no be the best looking girl here but beauty is only a light switch away. If you wurr a tree and I was a Squirrel, ad store mah nuts in yer hole. D’ye huv a library cerd? Cuz ad like to check ye oot. Ah know am no Fred Flintstone, but a bet a kin make ur bed-rock. Ye might as well sleep wae me, cause am gonae tell aw ma pals ye did anyway Am no the best looking boi in here, but am the only wan talkin tae u. If u were a bogey ad pick u first Put yer crash helmet oan, [bANNED TEXT] gawn through the heid board!!! Here's ten pence gone phone yer maw an tell her your no coming in the night Tom Edited March 23, 2009 by Foxgun Tom Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,551 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Loved it :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Beef 2 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Think it has maybe been on before but cracks me up. Definately an "only scots"one A Wee Scottish Tale. A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!' The man replies, 'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.' The keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 :clapper: Very good! (Nae a Scot, but mah Wifie's a quine fae Aberdeen, I've had tae learn!) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SEAN3513 7 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 all of it is the funniest thing ive seen in ages..............and my family come from the borders ( hawick) afore ye start, baw bags. lol sean Quote Link to post Share on other sites
klarakoi 0 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Are you Scottish? .......... You know you are a true Scot if........... (or in my case just been here to feckin long, lol) Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall St , St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink. Ye measure distance in minutes. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals. Finally, you are 100% Scot if you have ever said/heard these words; how's it hingin clarty boggin cludgie pished get it up ye wee beasties amurny away an bile yer heid peely-wally humphey backit Ba'-heid baw bag dubble nugget And finally..... A wee Glesga wumman goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his bum aimed at an electric fire. The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher. 'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'. LMAO I think I'm an honorary scotsman because Ive been fecked by buckfast (buckie) in wishaw and i lived to tell the tail,lol, mate one of the best posts Ive seen in ages, alb Rob. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cold Ethyl 63 Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 ROFL brilliant noo away and bile yer heid. There was a wee wummun fae guvan she stuck her heid in the oven she turnt on the gas and blew up her arse and blew her wee self tae nuttin Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alimac 882 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2009 Think it has maybe been on before but cracks me up. Definately an "only scots"oneA Wee Scottish Tale. A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn. A Gamekeeper shouts, 'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!' The man replies, 'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.' The keeper replies, 'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!! for my english brothers, that translates too... drink with both hands the burn is full off cow shit and piss Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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