A bollocking from the Mrs.

[jukel123 10,259]

20 minutes ago, Halfhound said:

Your first error was to include Mrs Mainwaring in any discussion that involves dogs, boats or horses. It never ends well. 

More like Norah Batty mate.

[WILF 52,537]

I think I’ve been lucky, my old woman has always just let me be me….I wouldn’t try and be anything else anyway because I think that’s fundamentally unhealthy in a relationship but she has never “bollocked” me all the same……

Consequently I never abused her attitude and always tried to conduct myself like a proper chap and be thoughtful when I could see the situation required.

Conversely, I wasn’t afraid to say “hold your f***ing horses” if I felt she was being a bit overbearing.

If I want to do something I’ll do it and if I want to do f**k all I’ll do that too…..

This is me, if you didn’t like it you shouldn’t have married me…..but you did like it and you did marry me so behave yourself ! lol 

Edited 10 hours ago by WILF

[THE STIFFMEISTER 18,054]

When I was starting seeing my Mrs ,, we were both off work at the time and spent that halcyon 6 weeks of me out with tev dogs all afternoon , bit of tea , then out at night with her , went all over but mainly home, just up town me and her . About three weeks into tvis I decided to take her to meet my two best mates . We’ve bee inseparable since we were about 12 as a trio . 

so I knew they would be in a usual wed night haunt so I took her up there. We called my Mate the horse as he had one method of travel , in a direct line regardless of the obstacles, as we entered the club type venue , he left the the two birds he was with and came direct to me to meet my new bird . Through about 8 tables worth of punters. 
in tve ensuing carnage , he had slapped a geezer , pulled the club owners jacket over his head , refused to leave , argued with his ex bird who was at one of the tables and spilt about 20 drinks over . 
 

as he approached us , he gave that big stupid grin he had , and said “ hiya , nice to meet you I’m Paul , never try to change my mate here though.” then looked at me and said “ lend me 60 quid, I need to buy these lot some drinks “ 

her words of “you have some lovely friends Danny “ are still a regular taunt 

[Halfhound 1,051]

7 minutes ago, WILF said:

I think I’ve been lucky, my old woman has always just let me be me….I wouldn’t try and be anything else anyway because I think that’s fundamentally unhealthy in a relationship but she has never “bollocked” me all the same……

Consequently I never abused her attitude and always tried to conduct myself like a proper chap and be thoughtful when I could see the situation required.

Conversely, I wasn’t afraid to say “hold your f***ing horses” if I felt she was being a bit overbearing.

If I want to do something I’ll do it and if I want to do f**k all I’ll do that too…..

This is me, if you didn’t like it you shouldn’t have married me…..but you did like it and you did marry me so behave yourself ! lol 

I can understand how she would come to the conclusion she would be wasting precious time and oxygen trying to change your mind or view on anything anyway. Fair play though I commend people who stay together and see it through takes proper guts something that’s been lost in the world

[WILF 52,537]

4 minutes ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

When I was starting seeing my Mrs ,, we were both off work at the time and spent that halcyon 6 weeks of me out with tev dogs all afternoon , bit of tea , then out at night with her , went all over but mainly home, just up town me and her . About three weeks into tvis I decided to take her to meet my two best mates . We’ve bee inseparable since we were about 12 as a trio . 

so I knew they would be in a usual wed night haunt so I took her up there. We called my Mate the horse as he had one method of travel , in a direct line regardless of the obstacles, as we entered the club type venue , he left the the two birds he was with and came direct to me to meet my new bird . Through about 8 tables worth of punters. 
in tve ensuing carnage , he had slapped a geezer , pulled the club owners jacket over his head , refused to leave , argued with his ex bird who was at one of the tables and spilt about 20 drinks over . 
 

as he approached us , he gave that big stupid grin he had , and said “ hiya , nice to meet you I’m Paul , never try to change my mate here though.” then looked at me and said “ lend me 60 quid, I need to buy these lot some drinks “ 

her words of “you have some lovely friends Danny “ are still a regular taunt 

Probably history’s biggest case of mis-selling, she thought she was getting Edward Cullen in his Volvo and ended with Eddie the Eagle on a mobility scooter !

[WILF 52,537]

1 minute ago, Halfhound said:

I can understand how she would come to the conclusion she would be wasting precious time and oxygen trying to change your mind or view on anything anyway. Fair play though I commend people who stay together and see it through takes proper guts something that’s been lost in the world

30 years mate, it’s like she wins the lottery every day ! 

[Rickshaw swami 4,660]

 

Wife : You ain't getting another hunting dog.

Me:  Correct,Sweetheart,I'm getting the whole litter.

[Blackmag 6,775]

My Mrs never moans about me and the dogs or fishing I could go out 7 days a week and not come home for days she never moans just cracks on looking after  the other dogs if I'm away my mate took his wife away this weekend so I ended up with his crew had 8 dogs here this week she didn't bat a eye lid till he returned and she  asked him to sell her Cassie a young busher bitch that as taken to her big time regardless of my protests she will end up here I can see it happening

[mitre 538]

 Oh dear 

[THE STIFFMEISTER 18,054]

8 hours ago, WILF said:

30 years mate, it’s like she wins the lottery every day ! 

Whatever you f***ing buffoon 

[ditchman 4,197]

23 hours ago, jukel123 said:

I was happily retired, unexpectedly unretired for a few months , back home and now bored stiff.

So I was thinking about getting a lamping dog. I was forbidden. Bitch.

So she overheard a phone conversation about me and a pal buying a shrimping boat, just to fish locally in decent weather conditions. She went f****n ballistic.

"How old are you? You're not twenty any more you know. You've just buggered off for months and left me recovering from an operation.

Er no. You had your sister and your mate  a nurse staying here. Part of the reason I took off.

You're a f****n idiot! ( you can take the girl out of Salford, but you can't take Salford out of the girl) you just take off when you feel like it!

Talk sense woman. Do I drink? Do I gamble? Do I smoke? Do I play away?

Do I do any of those things? You think you're a bloody hero you do. I've never hit you will come next.

Well I haven't.  

Aye because I'd hit yer back.

Then she hits me with ballistic missile.

What about that time you left me in Corfu?

Explanation. We stayed in a fishing  village in Corfu . One night I got talking to some Egyptian Fishermen on their boat . Next thing I know I decided to go fishing with them..all night. Just a spur of the moment, f**k it, reckless thing.

I sent a message with an English speaking  kid we knew, to tell her I wouldn't be back until morning but damn me the message was never delivered. 

So I fished with these guys in my man from Del Monte tourist gear...white grandad T shirt and white linen trousers. It was balmy, big moon, a soft med breeze ,plenty of fish. I'll never forget it.

Next morning I came back to our accommodation.  The rest is best not repeated. Suffice to say she has nursed that grievance for 40 years. She hasn't recycled it for a few years but brought it out for an airing , just to let me know she hasn't forgotten it. Bitch.

OK, OK, I 'll sit in my chair and grow old. 

You are old!

So I bring out the line that sends her f****n daft.

" Good things of day  begin to droop and drowse

While Nights black agents to their preys do rouse"

Think you're bloody Tarzan don't you ? You're a legend, some poacher/ backwoodsman/ rebel in your own head. Not in mine! Creeping around in the dark , me not knowing  where you are. I'm sick to death of yer.

I was going to tell her to SHUT THE f**k UP! Honest!  But noticed she had gone from red in the face to white.

Time to back off smartish.

 

 

if that was my mrs i would give her a nice box of Novichoc for her wedding aniversary.........no way i would put up with that shit