Deker 3,478 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) Rules for prospective boyfriends of dads with teenage daughters Daddy's Daughter - Rules for the boyfriends Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early" Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: 1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. 2. Places where there is darkness. 3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. 4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. 5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. 6. Hockey games are okay. 7. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Edited February 3, 2008 by Deker Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jasper65 6 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 Very Good Deker. I have a 9 years old Daughter and and already getting wound up thinking about her bringing Boyfriends home when she gets older! we all know what we was like as lads which makes it even harder to take on board..... I'm still jumping when my missus showed me a text message on my 11 years old lads phone saying "We have been together now for a while and don't you think we could now take things further! I mean a bit more than just kissing". call my old fashioned or whatever but I did find it a bit much as in my eyes he is still my little boy .... Jasper Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rolfe 2 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 Rules for prospective boyfriends of dads with teenage daughters Daddy's Daughter - Rules for the boyfriends Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early" Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: 1. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool.2. Places where there is darkness.3. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. 4. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.5. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. 6. Hockey games are okay. 7. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Brilliant........i have just printed a copy for my 16 year old daughter to give to her boyfriend Rolfe. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AIRGUNNER 1 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 LMAO Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest little lurcher Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 brilliant!!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Ditch_Shitter Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 Pissed myself laughing all the way through that! Still am! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Missie 1 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 My daughter is 6 and I was talking about her last night with one of the rugby lads. I have decided that the lads will either keep an eye on her and stop her from doing anything she shouldn't or try and pull her. I know which one my money is on so she'll be in an iron chastity belt until she's 30! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Coney 3 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 Excellent! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
king 12,009 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 im 16 its unfair man we wear our jeans low becouse its cool gramdpa! all you hoodie types wear your jeans like that because you are all built like racing snakes.or to put it another way.. you are like a gypsy's wippet all nob and ribs Quote Link to post Share on other sites
topshot 0 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 im 16 its unfair man we wear our jeans low becouse its cool gramdpa! all you hoodie types wear your jeans like that because you are all built like racing snakes.or to put it another way.. you are like a gypsy's wippet all nob and ribs like a budgeys hardon Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 all muscle and nob Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bigbob Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 That is so funny i sent it to a mate to peruse Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hob&Jill 258 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 im 16 its unfair man we wear our jeans low becouse its cool gramdpa! No it isnt. Gypsys whippet?! Love to see a whippet with a 50 inch chest Im more like a bull mastiff Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Deker 3,478 Posted February 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 willrennyferreter and all the muscle and nob 16 year olds (not my quote)......remember this day and keep a copy just in case you ever end up with a daughter!!! ATB Deker Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted February 3, 2008 Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 willrennyferreter and all the muscle and nob 16 year olds (not my quote)......remember this day and keep a copy just in case you ever end up with a daughter!!! ATB Deker The care doting dads bestow on there daughters carrys on through life , my dad still thinks of me as a child sometimes Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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