Cold Ethyl 63 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 go get a new one or tell the wife its a paddling pool not her best shoes or the couch could have been worse Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ferreterni 29 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Mate...I've been there myself. Picture the scene.....pitch f*****g black....3am. You've been down the pub and you're kidneys are aching from the amount of cider you've drunk. In your pissed state, you've gone to bed and one of the bulldogs has followed you up somehow. You're woken from your slumber by the sound of an enormous fart.....and then it dawns on you that it wasn't your own. Then there's a 40lb bulldog spraying rusty water out of hs arse like a sprinkler plumbed into the sewage works. He's actually running around the bedroom scared as he doesn't know what's going on.....spraying as he goes You turn the light on and you immediately feel like turning it off again. The bulldog has by now ran into the bathroom and he's redecorating that too. Best thing is, you caught him eating a manky old badger earlier in the day and his shit is full of dead maggots that's he's eaten. Oh yeah......it still haunts me That has given me the biggest laugh in ages, got tears in my eyes. sure it wasn't so funny for you though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
davidlloyd 16 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Quickly replace it for a bigger and better 1, and say you felt the children needed a treat because you love them so much, and you donated the old 1 to a local play group . . . . . . . . . . It'll be worth the money and the lie . . . trust me i'm female! you girls are deveus but shes [bANNED TEXT] mate good luck :gunsmilie: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mad al 146 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Just went to get the lurcher back in from the garden, and found the kids paddling pool shredded! The wife in her wisdom, moved it from the relative safety of the washing line where I'd hung it to dry, and laid it out on the floor. Just a heads up, if I'm not online for a while, it's because I'm looking for a new place to live with my dog.. so won't be watchin the 2nd test then Mal? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Scuba1 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Back in Germany I had an Irish setter and she was part of the family. One day a mate came round to leave his catfish with me as he was going on a 6 week trip to India and I had a few aquariums in the house at the time. I poured us a generous whiskey and we left the glasses on the living room table to go upstairs to put his catfish into one of my tanks. I nipped quickly downstairs to get his camera and came back up. Now he wanted to pu his fish in the biggest tank that I had but there where the pirhanas in that one and I told him that is was not a good idea, but he insisted as he thought the catfish was big enough. So we slung the plastic bag containing the catfish in the tank to equalise the temperature and went back into the living room where both glasses of whiskey where empty. I blamed him for drinking them both and called him a greedy fecker but he insisted that he did not touch them and was only downstairs to get his camera. Meanwhile, my dog was in the kitchen, pissed and snoring like there was no tomorrow and stinking of whiskey. Having poured another two and drunk them just in case the dog wakes up we went back upstairs to find that the piranhas had eaten their way through the plastic bag and there was only the head of the catfish left in one corner of my fish tank. And yes, dogs do have hangovers ATB Michael Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Simoman 110 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Mate...I've been there myself. Picture the scene.....pitch f*****g black....3am. You've been down the pub and you're kidneys are aching from the amount of cider you've drunk. In your pissed state, you've gone to bed and one of the bulldogs has followed you up somehow. You're woken from your slumber by the sound of an enormous fart.....and then it dawns on you that it wasn't your own. Then there's a 40lb bulldog spraying rusty water out of hs arse like a sprinkler plumbed into the sewage works. He's actually running around the bedroom scared as he doesn't know what's going on.....spraying as he goes You turn the light on and you immediately feel like turning it off again. The bulldog has by now ran into the bathroom and he's redecorating that too. Best thing is, you caught him eating a manky old badger earlier in the day and his shit is full of dead maggots that's he's eaten. Oh yeah......it still haunts me Rich, god bless you for putting my ultimate fantasy down in print................. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurchergrrl 1,441 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 Mate...I've been there myself. Picture the scene.....pitch f*****g black....3am. You've been down the pub and you're kidneys are aching from the amount of cider you've drunk. In your pissed state, you've gone to bed and one of the bulldogs has followed you up somehow. You're woken from your slumber by the sound of an enormous fart.....and then it dawns on you that it wasn't your own. Then there's a 40lb bulldog spraying rusty water out of hs arse like a sprinkler plumbed into the sewage works. He's actually running around the bedroom scared as he doesn't know what's going on.....spraying as he goes You turn the light on and you immediately feel like turning it off again. The bulldog has by now ran into the bathroom and he's redecorating that too. Best thing is, you caught him eating a manky old badger earlier in the day and his shit is full of dead maggots that's he's eaten. Oh yeah......it still haunts me Jesus! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: .... bloody hell I haven't laughed like that for ages ..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lost scouse 46 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 this thread is superb i have nt laughedso much in months my kidneys are aching with so much laughter ps i would go with hannahs suggestion Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 She's not too bad about it now, the dogs still 'persona non grata' at the minute though! I told her it could have been worse, and told her about the posts on here from Rainmaker & Stabs! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lurchergrrl 1,441 Posted June 26, 2009 Report Share Posted June 26, 2009 My lurcher pup once jumped up and removed my hand carved native american mask from the wall. Chewed it into splinters. It was a really special piece for me ... bought in Vancouver on my first ever holiday. I was so mad I can't even describe it. Then whilst sifting through the debris I noticed he'd also chewed up my designer glasses. But, hey ho, I loved him anyways When you think of things like this, or what they smell like when they've rolled in sh!t, or they way they sometimes hobble around the garden with a grassy crap hanging out of their ass, you've got to wonder what non-dog lovers think of us lot Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Adam-RunningDog 1 Posted July 2, 2009 Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 not the pup is it mate =P x Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest STORM CHASER Posted July 2, 2009 Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 Mate...I've been there myself. Picture the scene.....pitch f*****g black....3am. You've been down the pub and you're kidneys are aching from the amount of cider you've drunk. In your pissed state, you've gone to bed and one of the bulldogs has followed you up somehow. You're woken from your slumber by the sound of an enormous fart.....and then it dawns on you that it wasn't your own. Then there's a 40lb bulldog spraying rusty water out of hs arse like a sprinkler plumbed into the sewage works. He's actually running around the bedroom scared as he doesn't know what's going on.....spraying as he goes You turn the light on and you immediately feel like turning it off again. The bulldog has by now ran into the bathroom and he's redecorating that too. Best thing is, you caught him eating a manky old badger earlier in the day and his shit is full of dead maggots that's he's eaten. Oh yeah......it still haunts me :11: Totally class story........PMSL. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Quasar 1 Posted July 2, 2009 Report Share Posted July 2, 2009 hang on - SHE moved it OFF the washing line, shouldnt SHE be in the sh1t ??? i know my bloody gf would get a severe bollocking if it was her who moved it into danger. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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