walshie

I can still remember the last thing my father said to me."See you later.”- About twenty minutes ago.

The worst thing about your dog dying is that you have to throw your own shit in the neighbours’ garden.

At my age, I just have to face the fact that eighteen-year-old girls don't want to sleep with me. It's just like being eighteen again.

I really started to panic earlier when I sat in my car and couldn't remember how to drive. Imagine my relief when I remembered that I'm a woman.

India are said to be taking offence at their defeat by England in the cricket being dubbed a 'white wash' and have raised concerns over the term, claiming that many Indian people will take it as some kind of slur on their nation. From now on, it should be referred to as just a White.

2 Glaswegians in a pub.” A gay man comes over to one of them and asks “Do you want a bl*wjob?” The Glaswegian says “I can’t hear you. The music is too loud.” The man repeats his offer and the guy drags him outside, kicks him up and down the road and stamps on his head. His mate runs out and asks “What did he say to deserve that?” The other guy says “Not 100% sure but it was something to do with a job.”