When you go a friends house and you meet her mum and she's like "Take your shoes off, don't want a dirty carpet," and you're thinking "If only you knew how dirty your daughter is Barbara the carpet would be the least of your worries."
A mans wandering through the woods when he comes across a guy tied to a tree his arms around the trunk and wrists cable tied together.
He shouts"help me untie me I've just been robbed at knifepoint, they've taken my wallet and car keys we need to call the police "
"Oh dear says the other man"unzipping
his trousers "it's just not your lucky day is it sweetie?"
My neighbours have three grown up sons. One's a Butcher, One's a Baker and I'll bet you can guess what the third one is. That's right, he's a Fat b*****d.