Worst shoot in Britain

[foxdropper 17,092]

Today I had the misfortune of an invite as a guest at a shoot in Oxford .Remember the word guest .

The “keeper “gave a brief safety talk ,all good so far ,it then went a bit Pete Tong .

After the talk he asked for the guests ,4 of us to see him by his truck .Off we toddle to be told he needs some money off us !!!!!!!
£80 .Well I  was a bit taken a back tbh but went along with it and just thought he seemed ok must be a good day ahead of us .

Wrong ,how so f***ing wrong .School boy error ,should of binned it and gone elsewhere .

First drive I’m on peg 6 ,in the middle and keeper says lucky me  

With anticipation I load two black gold and wait ,and wait ,and yep wait some more until the beaters are on us and whistle blows .Ok me thinks ,a blank drive ,no shots fired .Happens I guess .The next drive I’m up 3  at 9 .Splendid ,I’m back gunning in a wood behind old Father Time himself .

Anticipation rises as small birds then a brace of jays ,a woodcock (off limits ) and a fox all come through the line but the smile is soon wiped when again the beaters appear and the same two carts are out and in the pocket .

Elevens’s we’re just a piss up tbh and I kept myself to myself just watching as a few got louder .

Drive three was a set of game covers back to back on a bank along side a golf course .

I was number 1 ,the first to get positioned and told to keep my eyes open as things happen fast here .I must of fell asleep or blinked because I saw nothing again nor did the other 9 ,only another fox and several magpies overhead at 150 m high .

The same two carts were out and in the pocket .

With heavy hearts we got on the trailer and we’re off to the next “drive “.where the keeper asked who of us hadn’t had any shooting ,the fecking neck on the c**t .10 hands went up .

Im 4 this time and in a wood .

Wasnt long before the shout went up ,well no rewind  ,wasn’t long before the screaming beaters shouted bird forward but wait there a shot and it drops 50 m from the beating line .Keeper shot it going forward .

Stay with me as I’m now convinced I’m on a proper wind up by my mate and that everyone  else is in on it .Payback for taking the piss  periodically

We are told there two more drives being fitted in as he’s sure they are up the other end .Spirits lifted ,we romp to our pegs with renewed enthusiasm ,load up the same two carts that I’m sure will see daylight this time as face the oncoming beaters .Again the screaming starts and a shot rings out ,yep the keepers shot a cock bird going forward ..More screaming as a fox dances along the gun line and several woodcock break cover .No more pheasants ?.

Im totally over it now and went to  the last peg with the fog rolling in fast .I loaded those carts with love and decided this was it .The stars would align and I’d be showering the keeper with twenties in no time .The hip flask came out and a stiff drink followed by shoulders back ,gun butt tucked in waist coat pocket as is y favourite stance and I will just one long tail to show its face .

Another fox broke cover and went back in ,showed again my end ,stopped in front of me and I’m sure the c**t sniggered before disappearing into the wood to my right .More screaming ,this is it ,a bird flying down the line getting missed by all before it ,my moment to shine as I’d shot like a god on ducks the week previous ,I raised the gun and missed it both barrels .
The keeper appeared looking smug and announced he was glad we all had some shooting ,cheeky fecking b*****d .

Back at the yard the mood seemed pretty jolly ,port induced I believe and the keeper proudly produced the brace of birds and laid them on the concrete to a round of applause

Im now totally convinced I’m been set up and they will all break character and take the piss but the keeper proceeds to shake hands with the guns and to my horror I see the odd twenty passed across in clenched fist .The tell tail white knuckles and nervous laugh proceeded the gift .

The gun to my right gave him a fiver to which the keeper sneered something inaudible and then it was my turn .

I shook his hand and let go ,he puts his hand out again and I say “Really  “to which he says it’s not his fault there were no birds today, they were there yesterday .So  I politely ask who’s fault it was .”You guns “he replied ,”can’t shoot for toffee” .He then tries again with the extended hand and I said “Tips are voluntary based on performance mate but as you havnt performed there’s no tip “.

Well the crowd goes silent ,the drinkers stop drinking and the dogs all appeared to cower behind  their owners .He wasn’t happy at all and say we the guns were the worst he’d had all season .

I could of got a bit more arsey ,I could of told the c**t he was a messer but I though better of it as it dawned on me this wasn’t a wind up ?.I left the venue a tad disappointed and phoned up my mate who couldn’t apologies  enough .

The keeper apparently is a piss head ,the feeders all dry and foxes run the joint .Just wish I’d been enlightened before hand .

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

Feck me what a joke. Should have asked for the foxing and your£80 back ....feckin messer.

But why would your mate send you there I cant understand.

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

Any pics mate

[foxdropper 17,092]

7 minutes ago, FOXHUNTER said:

Feck me what a joke. Should have asked for the foxing and your£80 back ....feckin messer.

But why would your mate send you there I cant understand.

I was his mentor for his fac mate and he genuinely  thought this cold spell would of brought  the birds back from wherever they were hiding .He wanted to repay me for my time etc .He’s relatively new to shooting and had joined this syndicate as it was cheap .

[foxdropper 17,092]

2 minutes ago, FOXHUNTER said:

Any pics mate

Of

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

Just now, foxdropper said:

Of

The pisshead

[foxdropper 17,092]

His names Mark Burrel .Please avoid if you ever get the invite

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

Unfortunately it's quite common in small shoots that the so called keeper is a joke.

Used to do the foxing on a local estate where the so called keeper was a pisshead and did no vermin control whatsoever or feed and water the birds.

But if you heard him talking he knew it all but in reality never went out his cottage.

He asked us to get him a roe one day so I came back with one ungralloched on purpose just to see him perform well feck me he only proceeded to plunge a 6 inch knife straight into the rumen with green stuff spewing all over...well I laughed my back off.

Feckin messers

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

3 minutes ago, foxdropper said:

His names Mark Burrel .Please avoid if you ever get the invite

So did you pay £80 and never fire a shot ffs

[foxdropper 17,092]

Yep ,you’ve got it right there bud .On the drive home I kept thinking about how good that shoot could be in the right hands .It’s 40 miles from me though

[foxdropper 17,092]

1 minute ago, FOXHUNTER said:

So did you pay £80 and never fire a shot ffs

Fired two shots mate and missed both barrels .The pressure was just too much

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

Just now, foxdropper said:

Fired two shots mate and missed both barrels .The pressure was just too much

How many pheasants did you actually see in total ?

[foxdropper 17,092]

3 mate ,each one documented in full and emblazoned in my mind .

[FOXHUNTER 5,020]

Just now, foxdropper said:

3 mate ,each one documented in full and emblazoned in my mind .

Feck me ...more foxes than pheasants, my kind of shoot

[foxdropper 17,092]

Just now, FOXHUNTER said:

Feck me ...more foxes than pheasants, my kind of shoot

Apparently the keeper has the foxing stitched up for miles around mate .You can imagine the numbers up around there can’t you .