jigsaw 11,902 Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, theres no paper on this side either!" Mary Clancy goes up to Father > O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's > in tears. > He says, "So what's > bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, > Father, I've got terrible news. > My husband passed away last > night." > The priest says, "Oh, > Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any > last requests?" > She says, "That he did, > Father." > The priest says, "What > did he ask, Mary? " > She says, He said, > 'Please Mary, put down that gun. Brenda O'Malley is home > making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her > door. > "Brenda, may I come > in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell > ya". > "Of course you can come > in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my > husband?" > " That's what > I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an > accident down at the Guinness brewery..." > "Oh, God no!" cries > Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, > Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. > > Finally, she looked up at > Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" > " It was terrible, > Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and > drowned." > > " Oh my dear Jesus! But > you must tell me truth, Tim. > Did he at least go > quickly?""Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out > three times to pee." An Irishman who had a little > too much to drink is driving home from the city one night > and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the > road. > A cop pulls him over. > "So," says the cop > to the driver, where have ya been?" > "Why, I've been to > the pub of course," slurs the drunk. > " Well," says the > cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink > this evening." > "I did all right," > the drunk says with a smile. > "Did you know," > says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across > his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife > fell out of your car?" > "Oh, thank > heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I > thought I'd gone deaf." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Attack Fell Terrier 864 Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Malt 379 Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sounder 9 Posted January 18, 2011 Report Share Posted January 18, 2011 very good jig's. atb sounder Quote Link to post Share on other sites
harrycatcat 31 Posted January 18, 2011 Report Share Posted January 18, 2011 very good Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jigsaw 11,902 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2011 Thank you thank you,I try to cheer you grumpy feckers up when I can. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,592 Posted January 18, 2011 Report Share Posted January 18, 2011 :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jigsaw 11,902 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!' :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
freem 25 Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!' 'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!' :laugh: :laugh: that's a cracker, thanks for the laugh!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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