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chimp

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Everything posted by chimp

  1. chimp
    A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. "Holy F**k" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my thumb...!!"
  2. chimp
    mmmmmm battle of the jokes............ Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.
  3. chimp
    Oh were turning it up a notch... Whats the first sign of Aids? A pounding sensation in the arse! lol i could get a lot worse ( as in frankie boyle worse) but i will refrain
  4. chimp
    4 immigrants were suffocated in the back of a Tesco lorry last night. Every little helps.
  5. chimp
    During this current cold spell, I pop round to see my gran every morning, put the empty milk bottles out on the step and clear the junk mail out of the letter box, you know the kind of thing. The neighbours all think it's really sweet of me. Actually, she's been dead three weeks but, what the f**k. Until someone finds out, I'm getting free milk and newspapers.
  6. chimp
    I was round my girlfriend's the other day, she was doing us dinner. She was a bit rushed so she told me to turn the veg on. Apparantly fingering her wheelchair bound sister wasn't what she meant
  7. chimp
    A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache!" "Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with crushed aspirin. You can take it orally, or as a suppository, it's up to you."
  8. chimp
    I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself
  9. chimp
    Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. Told them to " F**k Off". Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!!
  10. chimp
    Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999. Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her" Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?" CLICK,BANG Paddy "OK, done that, what next?
  11. chimp
    me and masmiffy went out for a couple of hours on the peas today , started slow and mas decided to move a little way up the field and i stayed in hide. well all was dead for me with the odd bird coming in while mas had seemed to have found the spot and was getting a few shots, i gave up after an hour and couldnt let him have all the sport so i walked up to join him. he had made a hide out of what he could find and even cleared a spot for me to stand mas being mas had made it in such a way that you couldnt shoot towards houses which were about 150 yards away so all was good on that f
  12. chimp
    anything that goes bang , ive been using ely first 28 7 1/2 but am currently trying 30 5's ones i really like are kent velocitys 30 6's
  13. chimp
    turbo cider , nasty stuff mind
  14. chimp
    question about the rhubarb , i planted mine about a month ago, it had 3 stems that grew very quick but before getting to a good size they died making way for new shoots. i have been forcing it (is this wrong until it is established?)
  15. chimp
    didnt like the smell of bollies?
  16. chimp
  17. chimp
    lol your correct , retrieved .... thats about it
  18. chimp
    that pic hardly proves anything , infact its just an unmarked dog sniffing round a dead fox , im not saying it didnt take fox but that pic hardly proves anything. i like this one , i like how they have loads of dogs on the gear - true thl stylee
  19. chimp
    Thats correct Chimp, Pie lost his tail after an 'altication' with a car door. Lost it quite early too and though a dog is better with a full 'rudder', it never stopped him from earning his reputation! TimmyK off here has a 3/4 bull x, thats had most of its tail amputated and that dog is not showing any sign of it's loss in the field Though being a pied dog he now looks like a Pointer with aids! i knew a fella down south who had a pie dog and he was happy with it , did you see pie go out , if so what was he like? its all them dogs of that era that started it all afterall
  20. chimp
    didnt the bullx pie have a damaged tail?
  21. chimp
    dont they have dogs that can smell cancer in people ? either way he is giving away a dog , not selling but giving ffs . so what is he? a peddlar or a mug ? you cant win on this site sometimes
  22. chimp
    lol , she is giving it the ' tell me when it's close enough' look
  23. chimp
    wrong wrong wrong eeewwww
  24. chimp
    we had a bad year in east anglia , read somewhere chinese rabbit flu had taken a load . seem to be a few young about now tho
  25. chimp
    i made a huge batch of bramble jam last year , i used pickled onion jars and didnt clean the lids very well , you opened a jar and you got hit with a smell of onions lol yep i ruined the lot
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