Brummy 9 Posted March 4, 2008 Report Share Posted March 4, 2008 Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him . The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith. The midget." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
6pack 60 Posted March 4, 2008 Report Share Posted March 4, 2008 A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f**k your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brummy 9 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 A man walked into an bar with a cat and an ostrich. He says "can I have three beers." The bar man says "that will be £3.00 please" and the cat says "I'm not paying for that!" So the man takes exactly £3.00 out of his pocket. The next day they walk into the bar again and he says "I'll have three beers and three pies." The bar man says "That will be £6.00 please." and the cat says "I'm not paying for that!" So the man takes exactly £6.00 out of his pocket. The next day they go into the bar and the bar man says "The past two days you've come in here with that cat and that ostrich and paid with exact change, why?" "Well I found a magic lamp and a Genie gave me three wishes. I wished for the exact change on those two days." "What about the 3rd one?" "Well that's were I screwed up! I asked for a long legged bird with a tight pussy." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brummy 9 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries. How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
6pack 60 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling. I dont understand that one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stubby 175 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 guy walks past a pub, and reads a sign in the window pie's 50p wanks £1 so he walks into the bar and see's this lovely barmaid with a right sexy body, say's to her, are you the one that give's the wank's she nod's to him he say's, well go wash ya hands, I want a pie Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Brummy 9 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Nice ! :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
olliedakennard 0 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Has anyone got a greyhound for sale? asks one man to his mate Why do you want to buy a greyhound he said back to him? Because i have a hair up my arse. Whats the similarity between women and clouds eventually they F***k of and its a nice day. A dwarf goes to the doctors and sais i have been gettin bad pains in between my legs, so the doctor pulled her trousers down had a snip around a bit. She sais oh thats so much better what did you do, i cut the top of your wellies. ollie Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Coney 3 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Has anyone got a greyhound for sale? asks one man to his mateWhy do you want to buy a greyhound he said back to him? Because i have a hair up my arse. Whats the similarity between women and clouds eventually they F***k of and its a nice day. A dwarf goes to the doctors and sais i have been gettin bad pains in between my legs, so the doctor pulled her trousers down had a snip around a bit. She sais oh thats so much better what did you do, i cut the top of your wellies. ollie Quality! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Halfinch 51 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Paramedics turn up at a car crash, the pasenger is in a field and the driver is screaming in his seat, The paramedics tell the driver "calm down mate, your not as bad as your girlfriend, she has been thrown through the windscreen" The driver screams back "but have you seen what she's got in her mouth?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
simba 1 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It's empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It's also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who got up first, it was Mummy Bear who made the coffee, it was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away, it was Mummy Bear who set the damn table, and now that you've decided to drag your sorry asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence. Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once." "I HAVEN'T MADE THE f*****g PORRIDGE YET !!!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jack NUFC 1 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 there was two 80yr olds shagging furiously against a fence their arms and legs were waving all over, after 20mins or so the woman says to her husband "you didnt shag me like that 50 years ago" to which the man replies "50 years ago that fence wasn't f*cking electric!" thats my contribution Quote Link to post Share on other sites
big d 1 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 jock takes his wife to casualty,she,s got no teeth,abroken nose and two black eyes, dr says whats happened? jock says she,s been going through the change dr, says that doesnt happen with the change, jock replies it does when its my fekin change, cat and rooster were sat by a lake, the cat falls in, and the rooster laughs hysterically. THE MOTTO were theres a wet pussy theres a happy cock! priest sees a young boy crying at the edge of a cliff, he asks whats the matter , and the boy says his parents have just fallen over the edge of the cliff and died the priest puts his arm around, whips his dik out and says it not your day is it.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
topshot 0 Posted March 5, 2008 Report Share Posted March 5, 2008 paddys in jail. the screw walks past looks in his cell and finda paddy hanging by his feet. screw says "what the f**k you doing paddy" "killing myself says paddy" the screw says "shoulent it be round your neck" paddy replies "i tried that but i couldent f**king breathe" Boy: dad whats the difference between a vagina and a c**t? dad lifts sleeping mums nighty and says "thats a vagina son" "can i touch it says the son" no replies the dad youll wake the c**t up paddy is sitting trying to catch a fish through when he hears a load booming voice say: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE HERE" paddy says "holy mary is that you dare god" voice booms back no you thick tw*t its the ice rink manager mr cadbury met ms rowntree in a room on quality street, it was after 8. he turned out the light for some black magic! he sliped his han into her snikers and showed her his curly whirly. not keen to have any jelly babies she let him take her up bournville boulevard. she screamed with turkish delight as he took out his fun sized mars bar. it felt a bit crunchie and she wanted some time out but he did a twirl and came in a verry milky way Quote Link to post Share on other sites
billybunter 72 Posted March 6, 2008 Report Share Posted March 6, 2008 a bloke goes to the doctors and shouts doctor,doctor ive got a mole on the end of my prick dr right strip of and i"ll have a look dr well i cant do anything for the mole but im going to report you to the rspca Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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