A visit to hospital day one.

[jukel123 6,570]

Thanks again lads.  Much appreciated.

[jok 3,036]

The nicest complement you can give is to return to the ward with a huge donation of cakes, celebration sweets or whatever. My wife, a nurse, has said so many times how lovely that flatteryi is. Let’s face it, they don’t get much else. Glad things are good pal.Jok.

[jukel123 6,570]

2 minutes ago, jok said:

The nicest complement you can give is to return to the ward with a huge donation of cakes, celebration sweets or whatever. My wife, a nurse, has said so many times how lovely that flatteryi is. Let’s face it, they don’t get much else. Glad things are good pal.Jok.

Already sorted mate.

[jok 3,036]

Oh,! I should have said, she is no Samuria and has the temperament of Florence Nighingale. Has to be with me indoors ffs. Jok.

[shaaark 10,137]

On 27/09/2022 at 23:12, jukel123 said:

I report to the ward at the time and place I was asked. No trace of me. Fucks sake I thought. Good start. Nurse says to me: "are you sure you've got the right day?" I hold my ground and refuse to answer. She thinks I am deaf ( I am, but not that deaf). So she repeats the question. I pointedly refuse to answer.  I glare. She gets the message and apologises. Finally, a  miraculous phone call later she informs me that my details have been found, so once I have checked in I can be given a room. But first of all I have to be stripped of dignity. They take  my details, fair enough, and then they tell me to shower. I come out and they give me a smock which fastens at the back and a pair of paper underpants. 1) My arse is clearly exposed, anywhere else I'd be done for indecent exposure,  and 2) if I let off a half decent ripper, I'm going to blow the underpants to space and back. I abandon all sense of embarrassment. f**k it. If they catch sight of my arse and cock, that's their treat for the day.

They put me in my own room! Brilliant! I'm very comfortable in my own company. All that communal ward stuff I've  had to endure in the past was a pain in the arse. All,that bonding and cheerfulness left me feeling f****n mental.

Nurse Ratched appears. She's a real ball crusher. No eye  contact. No introduction. I try to get the psychological advantage by answering her clipped questions with equally businesslike answers . My body language is masterful ( I think) arms folded, not phased by my vulnerability, with my arse showing and the paper pants in danger of being blown to smithereens. She fecks off ,full of bitter vinegar piss. 'Piss off witch' I think as her ample 16 stone arse squeezes out of the door.

A wizened old lady appears with a  circular action hoover/ polisher machine. Poor woman must have been 70 and looks and sounds exhausted. She wears a green uniform which marks her out as the lowest of the low. It seems to be green uniform, lowest of the low, blue, reasonable status _ nurse, white gear top of the pile_ Dr! You get even  extra status  if you can stick a stethoscope around your neck, so they all try to remember their  magic necklace.

 "I'll no be long son"  the old lady groans. I smile,I I'm f****n 72. She does her stuff,  which seems to be to stir up the dust and disappears with a tired smile. At least she smiled and looked me in the eye.

To be continued....

 

3 hours ago, jukel123 said:

Well, happy days,I'm sat in bed in my room.  My op has been completed and my pain levels are next to  nowt. I had 3 different procedures done on various parts of my body. This required 3 separate specialists to visit me whilst I was under the anaesthetic. 10 out of 10 for coordinating that NHS.

I never sleep in these places so,last night I went walkabout hoping I wouldn't bump into nurse Ratched or a ward sister similar to one Hattie Jaqcques used to play in the Carry On Films. I ended up chatting to some of the porters for half an hour ( top blokes) and then I got an invite into a kind of  mess room for nurses for a cup of tea. I was flavour of the month because the nurse I nicknamed Ratched was hated by all the other  nurses as a bully and they pissed themselves laughing when I described her  as 'Nurse Ratched, a failed transexual'. 

Modern nurses seem very overweight to me. No wonder, they were all feasting on high calorie junk wahed down by 'real' coke. I dont get it. They should be able to,see what's coming 20 year down the line. Maybe you only see these things when you are old.

I apologised in advance for my behaviour when I came out of the anaesthetic. You know 'Brown Bottle,' that guy in Viz who wants to fight everybody when he has a sniff of Newky brown? Well that's me when I'm coming to after anaesthetic. " I' ll fight the f****n lorra ye. Ya b*****ds. Any breed, any man zzzzzz.

They said its very common and not to worry about it.

So I' ve had a post op  visit  from all my specialists who, were, all to a man stressed out and overworked, f****n pagers going off all the time. Worth every penny they earn I reckon. Same as the nurses.

Nurses involved in bringing me out of the anaesthetic said I was only mildly foul mouthed as I ' came back into the room'.  So can't wait to get home. Don't know if you guys have ever been in hospital or worked away, but when you get home you really appreciate your home, your animals and your Mrs. I think I've got that in the right order.

Absolutely brilliant, jukel.  I've had a pretty dismal day myself, but that has really cheered me up!!

Hope you're OK and recovering very well.