Misunderstanding

[Lab 10,979]

Bit long to put in my status.

 

Man walks into a bar......

 

"What would you like?" says the barman.

"What would I like?" says Bob. "A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife."

"No," says the barman, patiently. "I meant what do you want?"

"To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!"

"What's it to be?" says the barman, less patiently.

"A boy or a girl, I don't care."

"You misunderstand me," says the barman, impatiently, "I only asked what you want to drink."

"Oh," says Bob, "I see. Why didn't you say so? What have you got?"

"Nothing at all," says the barman. "I'm perfectly healthy."

Are you honestly laughing at these yourself?....

[walshie 2,804]

 

Bit long to put in my status.

 

Man walks into a bar......

 

"What would you like?" says the barman.

"What would I like?" says Bob. "A bigger house, more money and a more attractive wife."

"No," says the barman, patiently. "I meant what do you want?"

"To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!"

"What's it to be?" says the barman, less patiently.

"A boy or a girl, I don't care."

"You misunderstand me," says the barman, impatiently, "I only asked what you want to drink."

"Oh," says Bob, "I see. Why didn't you say so? What have you got?"

"Nothing at all," says the barman. "I'm perfectly healthy."

Are you honestly laughing at these yourself?....

 

 

F*ck yeah!

[walshie 2,804]

Here one walshie you can get me back with

 

This is why there are no male agony aunts: Dear Jeff, last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down so I walked home again & arriving unexpectedly I found my 16yr old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her! I am devastated can you help ? Dear Sally... A common cause for this is dirt in your carburettor don't let your fuel drop 2 low in the tank hope this helps ...Jeff

 

[twobob 1,519]

our lass isnt talking when she came down stairs this morning i said goodmorning then ment to say would you like some breakfast what i actualy said was

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you fat ugly bxxxxxd you,ve ruined my life, misunderstandings eh

[baw 4,360]

He was in ecstasy, with a smile on his face, As his girlfriend moved forwards then backwards.....

forwards then backwards.....

back and forth..

back and forth..

In and out..

in and out..

Her heart was pounding faster, her face was getting flush & she started to grunt and groan

Then she let out one almighty scream!!!

"I can't park this f****n car! you do it"

[baw 4,360]

Mohammed entered his classroom on the first day of school.

"What's your name?" asked the teacher."Mohammed," he replied.

"You're in Britain now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Kevin."

Mohammed returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammed?" his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in Britain and now my name is Kevin."

"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonour your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on

you!" And his mother

beat him.Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.

"What happened to you, Kevin?" she asked.

"Well ma'am, shortly after becoming British, I was attacked by two

f****n' Pakis"

[walshie 2,804]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman get into a cab.

The driver takes one look at them and says, "Sorry gentlemen, I'm a Muslim. I can't take a joke."

[baw 4,360]

.................. Tumbleweed........

[PIL 7]

Well that just wasted 60 seconds that I'll never get back :laugh:

Fast reader then eh?

I had to read it twice still didn't make fecking sense :laugh:

[PIL 7]

I was sitting at the traffic lights yesterday, and a minibus full of muslims pulled up next to me.

Suddenly an 18 wheeler ploughed right into the minibus, wiping them all out.

"Wow, that could have been me" I thought.

So this morning I went out and got an HGV licence

And I wonder who you stole that one off

[haymin 2,465]

There's a problem in the cabin . O the cabin what is it . It's a small room in front of the plain ... . . f****n cracker that )

[baw 4,360]

Opening day fixtures are out: Celtic v Aberdeen on SKY, Hibs v Kilmarnock on ESPN and Rangers v Hearts on the History Channel.

[Lab 10,979]

Opening day fixtures are out: Celtic v Aberdeen on SKY, Hibs v Kilmarnock on ESPN and Rangers v Hearts on the History Channel.

Am having that.......

[baw 4,360]

[Lab 10,979]

You'll no believe that.....just about to type it into my phone to send to ma Dad and boom my mate sends me the very same joke..............spooky!!...