Lab 10,979 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 A group of school kids were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!"You need to use 'Grown-Up' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend."I went to visit my Nana.""No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Grown-Up' words!" She then asked Mitchel...l what he had done."I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Grown-Up' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done."I read a book," he replied."That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jigsaw 11,906 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 lol,very good. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hi...t a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story."Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking." 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pip1968 2,490 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 walshies joke books doing the rounds 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 walshies joke books doing the rounds My OLD joke book. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 walshies joke books doing the rounds My OLD joke book. f**k off....... You could only lie in bed at night and dream about a couple of jokes like that...... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 walshies joke books doing the rounds My OLD joke book. f**k off....... You could only lie in bed at night and dream about a couple of jokes like that...... Nightmares more like. Note to moderators: This topic seems to have the wrong title. I clicked on it hoping to find a joke I could nick and just found this old pish. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pip1968 2,490 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 walshies joke books doing the rounds My OLD joke book. f**k off....... You could only lie in bed at night and dream about a couple of jokes like that...... nah it was a while back since i seen walshie post a joke like that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 Gang up on me as much as you like. You'll be sorry when I'm on holiday and you don't get your daily dose of hilarity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 Gang up on me as much as you like. You'll be sorry when I'm on holiday and you don't get your daily dose of hilarity. Please tell me its a 6 month f***ing cruise?.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 Gang up on me as much as you like. You'll be sorry when I'm on holiday and you don't get your daily dose of hilarity. Please tell me its a 6 month f*****g cruise?.... Luckily for you, no. But I'd better post 2 a day before i go to be on the safe side. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 Gang up on me as much as you like. You'll be sorry when I'm on holiday and you don't get your daily dose of hilarity. Please tell me its a 6 month f*****g cruise?.... Luckily for you, no. But I'd better post 2 a day before i go to be on the safe side. Is there enough shit jokes in the world for you to post 2 a day...........or you using pips quota? .... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
walshie 2,804 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 Pot...kettle... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pip1968 2,490 Posted June 13, 2013 Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 I call all my girlfriends Sudoko.....why Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lab 10,979 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2013 I call all my girlfriends Sudoko.....why Cause there all 9?... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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