moonlighter 1,165 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 I was standing at the bar and this little Chineese guy is stood at the side of me So I asked him do you know martial arts like Kung fu and ju-Jitsu or karate. He replied why the feck do you ask me that.... is it because I am CHINESE? I said no its because your drinking my pint you little c..t!!. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moonlighter 1,165 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Teacher says "Paul, if you have 5 sweets and Abdul asks you for 1 sweet, how many would you have left?" Paul replies "5" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moonlighter 1,165 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Well that's me all joked out lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Two Irishmen walking past a Police Station. A big poster at the front reads "Two Blackmen wanted for rape!" Paddy turns to Mick and says "Dem Fuckers always get the best jobs". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 What does the average Pakistani weigh? Sweets. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction "85 pounds for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied. "85 quid! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?" "That's the normal charge," said the dentist. "Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?" "That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock 15 pounds off." "Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?" "I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop by 20 pounds." "How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?" "It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you 5 pounds but it will be traumatic." "Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 What do a you call a Somali pirate? A niggarrrrr. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Irresistible 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest thebigdog Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling." No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, "What are you selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes." Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, "You are doing well. Only two left!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
"Earth!" 503 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Well that's me all joked out lol thank ffuck!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
moonlighter 1,165 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Just for that, here's another; Cliff Richard was in China when a fan came up shouting 'Criff! Criff! I'm ur biggest fan! Me ruv ur songs my favourite is Itchy Sore Fanny!. Cliff's a bit shocked and says hes never sung such a song.Yes u have Criff! It goes ITCHY SORE FANNY how we dont talk anymore 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stewie 3,387 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 Paddy goes for a job interview at a chemical factory the manager asks "Have u worked with chemicals before?" "Yes!" Paddy replies. The manager asks "Can you tell me what nitrate is?" Paddy replies "I'm hoping it's Double Time!'' paddy walks into dominoes and asks "is ye doing any specials at the moment"?? "why yes sir buy any pizza, any size for £9.99" paddy replys " right then, ill have small margarita" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stewie 3,387 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 I saw a Paki being battered by Three men today. They started to walk away, so i went over to him and said "You ok fella?" He said, "I'll be fine, yes" "Oi boys, he just called you a bunch of soft pricks" I shouted to the Three lads Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stewie 3,387 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking after a house fire Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stewie 3,387 Posted March 29, 2012 Report Share Posted March 29, 2012 how does TB25 stop a dog from humping his leg???? he picks it up and sucks its dick Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.