5 Nuns

[nod 285]

A man goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.

 

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

 

He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

 

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

 

"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

 

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

 

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

 

The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles".

 

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm . . . but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

 

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment you know"

 

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our b*ll*cks. There's no point in you coming in for that."

[The one 8,555]

The old ones are the best ones

[tb25 4,627]

i worked for them befor its no joke lol

[scothunter 12,609]

The manager of the orange hall is setting upo the club for the band members to return for a drink and a buffet.

just as he is setting out the tables a minibus of priests arrive at the club.

they ask the barman for 8pints of guiness.the barman goes to the manager and says look i have 8 priests at the bar wanting guiness and i can hear the band coming down the road.

the manger knowing there would be trouble tells his manager to charge them £4 a pint just get rid of them.

after they have their pints they order another 8pints.

the manager tells barman look the band are nearly here there will be murder if they are still here,charge them £10 a pint that will get shot of them.

the priests finish there pints and order another 8 pints.

by this the time the band are nearly at the club and the barman tells the manager they want another 8 pint.

the manager says look did they actually pay £10 a pint?yea says the barman.

well says the manager lock the doors on they orange bstards.

[FightTheBan 1,147]

The manager of the orange hall is setting upo the club for the band members to return for a drink and a buffet.

just as he is setting out the tables a minibus of priests arrive at the club.

they ask the barman for 8pints of guiness.the barman goes to the manager and says look i have 8 priests at the bar wanting guiness and i can hear the band coming down the road.

the manger knowing there would be trouble tells his manager to charge them £4 a pint just get rid of them.

after they have their pints they order another 8pints.

the manager tells barman look the band are nearly here there will be murder if they are still here,charge them £10 a pint that will get shot of them.

the priests finish there pints and order another 8 pints.

by this the time the band are nearly at the club and the barman tells the manager they want another 8 pint.

the manager says look did they actually pay £10 a pint?yea says the barman.

well says the manager lock the doors on they orange bstards.

 

 

LOL

 

Two Muslim women leave Pakistan to live in Scotland, they agree to meet up in a years time to see who has become the most Scottish.

They meet up one year later and the first one says "I've got a Scotland Top, I drink whiskey, have a westie dog and I play golf. How Scottish have you become?"

Second one turns around and says "Get tae fuuck ya paki bastart!!"

 

 

FTB

[scothunter 12,609]

The manager of the orange hall is setting upo the club for the band members to return for a drink and a buffet.

just as he is setting out the tables a minibus of priests arrive at the club.

they ask the barman for 8pints of guiness.the barman goes to the manager and says look i have 8 priests at the bar wanting guiness and i can hear the band coming down the road.

the manger knowing there would be trouble tells his manager to charge them £4 a pint just get rid of them.

after they have their pints they order another 8pints.

the manager tells barman look the band are nearly here there will be murder if they are still here,charge them £10 a pint that will get shot of them.

the priests finish there pints and order another 8 pints.

by this the time the band are nearly at the club and the barman tells the manager they want another 8 pint.

the manager says look did they actually pay £10 a pint?yea says the barman.

well says the manager lock the doors on they orange bstards.

 

 

LOL

 

Two Muslim women leave Pakistan to live in Scotland, they agree to meet up in a years time to see who has become the most Scottish.

They meet up one year later and the first one says "I've got a Scotland Top, I drink whiskey, have a westie dog and I play golf. How Scottish have you become?"

Second one turns around and says "Get tae fuuck ya paki bastart!!"

 

 

FTB

 

belter mate kinda reminmds me of frankie boyle saying that when braveheart was getting made folk were saying that wont work.mel gibson an australian playing a scotsman.

and look at him now.

AN ALCOHOLIC RACIST!