Kay
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Posts posted by Kay
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I am watching the final down the pub I managed to see the first goal then the dodgy box went berserk & by the time i found a stream that worked it was over
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16 hours ago, Greyman said:
Without sounding to much like a cynical old fart I think it's more of an age and era thing, when I was a kid growing up on an estate if the baliff,s turned up to take someone's belongings the whole estate would turn out and give them a good shoeing and torch there van, nowadays they make it into a tv show to normalise it and everyone sits behind closed doors laughing at there neighbours misfortune,give people a tiny bit of wealth and they will shit on everyone and anyone to keep it, the modern system promotes the I,m alright jack attitude,, if this situation occured 30 odd years ago, the whole factory would of walked out the door in support of him and that's the difference
where i work has no means for anyone to progress through the company so basically we are all the same but not one of them when they had the chance to have there say opened there mouths regarding working while the place was a building site last year they got the health and safety involved instead and there was a lot of things they had breached light working at height etc, dust , noise .
Most companys are the same these days ... anyone who dares to speak out is basically seen as a trouble maker & there time there is made as uncomfortable as possible in the hopes they f**k up or f**k off , the day in the early 80'ss I spent in a factory was like you describe , everyone had your back
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My pup just 13 months old now , think she has stopped growing now I need to measure her but I guess she is about 17tts , a solid compact little bitch just big enough for me
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24 minutes ago, Greyman said:
Kay I left school barely able to read and right, I done two terms in borstal before moving on to big jail, I,m not saying that because I,m proud of it, but to show you that the value you put on yourself is more important than the value put on you by other people, I,m hard working and punctual as I can be, I own a van or two and will do anything for a days wages and if I have no work I drive round scavenging in skips for things to sell on eBay or weigh in for scrap, I,m normally busyier than I want to be and earn a reasonable living, the only thing holding you back is yourself because life and society tell you that your not worth much more, well f**k that, we might not be able to run a company, but I doubt your boss would clean out a shitter either so he needs you as much as you need him, just value yourself a bit more and put a higher price on your time , I,m not a commie but no one is better than me and vice versa, good luck?
Thats spot on , the place would fall into chaos if they had to stop the production & get them to do there own cleaning if it wasn't done by us
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3 hours ago, Greyman said:
Offer the customers a better rate than your company does, bomb out the sick note and you and the other girl earn a bit more wronga and have a few less clients, Bosses are like nappy,s full of shit and always hanging round your ass, better off without them ?
I am employed by the company I clean for its basically zero communication thats the issue having no qualifications so to speak if I find another job its will be the same... payed from the neck down roles are always like this in my experience
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I am thinking of giving acas a ring about my job, I work as a cleaner there are 3 of us & if we are 1 down we have to do our own sections & split the 3rd section between the 2 of us, we only get an extra half hour added to the shift to do the extra work.
the last month one of the cleaners has been calling in sick & on 3 occasions myself & the other girl have had no notice off the company we are expected in early to cover, so the works still been done but it dont look like we will get paid for it because we clocked in our normal hours
Getting a bit fed up of it now , wish I could drive so i could get a new job without having to restrict my job searches to very local its a right ballache
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Looks like the press have started to turn on the dad, in the sun its reported that he stabbed a 14 year old twice over a row about a bike & the lad who was near death as it punctured his lung but his life was ironically saved at Alder Hay , The press work in strange ways , they have been supportive of the family so far , so why rake this up now . whats there agenda ?
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Its sadly turned into a media circus now, this Wannabe lawyer unofficial legal rep for the parents is more bothered about suing the hospital than the child's welfare , far to much addressing the '' army'' outside the hospital now for me to champion there cause, one min he is breathing on his own then in the next breath there giving the lad mouth to mouth because his lips have been turning blue. quite frankly its become to distressing to read the updates
I genuinely feel for them as parents it will be hell on earth
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My thoughts at present the hospital are saying it will take 3 to 5 days to move him home because they know the family will take him to Italy once he is out of there care , he has been breathing on his own now for nearly 24 hours, the other excuse is they think the staff will be attacked by the people outside
Bollocks to that , if theirs a military helicopter ready to move him then get on with it , letting him starve to death far more in humane than continuing with life support
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One flew over the cuckoo's nest
Jaws
Personal Services
Danny champion of the world
Oliver
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How about Keith Blakelock day ... set about by a baying mob for doing his f***ing job
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4 minutes ago, WILF said:
Fair play, I understand life’s not always black and white Kay.
But the fact is, if things are terrible you don’t need the fully furnished flat or even a job for that matter......you need a warm bed and a meal.
From there you have police, social services, a load of charities and voluntary groups and most important of all, yourself !
You don’t go to the council, you go to the cozzers and let them talk to the council (and they will, especially now days)
And when it comes to people not wanting to get involved, well actually the only person that needs to be involved is you and you know who your friends are then.
You have been there and got the t-shirt, I bet there are things that with hindsight you wish you had just made a stand earlier and saved yourself a lot of pain ?
I would come out of my corner & fight like a shithouse rat now Wilf
& if I knew of anyone who was in the same situation now I would plead with them that they left the situation, sticking a tenner on a lass's secret mobile so they have at least got the means to contact a confidant , sometimes its easier to have people that have no emotional involvement on side rather than family, i know how his family packed together when we split up so god knows how that lot would have reacted if i had managed to get the kids away & clear off very probably a fatwa
At least now you can search the net when you meet someone to see if theirs anything a bit dodgy .. there again if you need to that your guts telling you to steer clear
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13 minutes ago, WILF said:
I’ll add a little personal experience to this....
I have quiet a lot of lifelong very good female friends, some I have known since school.
Ill take the case of two of them.......both of them extremely good looking girls, bright, intelligent.
Came from nice “normal” 2.4 families......nothing unusual at all.
Both of them ended up with violent, controlling morons!
One of the dudes was overt with it and the other was the type who kept it quiet and presented the “Mr Nice Guy” image to the world.......
One you couldn’t miss but still with the other the clues were there.........
The girl with the overtly aggressive, jealous boyfriend I obviously asked “What the hell are you doing with a f***ing idiot like?.....you are so much more than that”
And despite agreeing with me, she stayed with the prat for about another year!!
The other, again despite the honest conversation, stayed with Mr Nice Guy and he give her a kicking indoors 2 weeks before they were due to get married.......guess what?......she still married him !!
It was only me and a pal pulling him to one side (and we had known the bloke himself for years) after the beating and giving him the stearn word that it eased up........it ended in divorce 3 years later.
Point being, how do you legislate for a person who won’t save themselves ?
I don’t believe you can and I don’t believe you should.
Its not always people '' wont'' save themselves..its having the tools to enable you to do that, if you have no money to speak of or transport to enable you to get away lock stock & barrell , ok in an ideal world you stick the kids in the buggy & pop off to the council , on the bus they say oh thats terrible ...hang on heres the keys to a fully furnished 2 bedroom ground floor flat...dont worry about him he will never find you because we will change your name & on monday morning at 7 am a taxi will pick you up to take you to your new job & the babysitter will be that at 6 30 to sit the kiddies .... if only it where that simple .... you get the hear the words '' I dont want to get involved'' an awful lot
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7 hours ago, ChrisJones said:
Kay. Would the new law have made any difference to your circumstances, in your opinion?
It might do in this day & age but back then it would be a domestic & unless he had beaten me to a pulp & hospitalised me then no , you wouldnt report rape in them days let alone a bullying husband
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12 minutes ago, ChrisJones said:
That's a fair one, mate but if someone is so afraid of their circumstances to report the crimes, and we know this is genuinely the case, then the law cannot be enforced and neither can the rest. It doesn't actually tackle anything in practice. The public funds used to debate and canonise this law could have been better spent in other more productive areas, IMHO.
In fairness outside agency's dont normally become involved until theirs been a serious crime committed , stabbing or a gun crime or a child is hospitalised as a result of a domestic & then questions are asked , I imagine in most cases unless the social services take it out of your hands you will go back to the abuse... I guess its like Stockholm syndrome .
A few of you seem to be getting in a lather about it... if you tell the old woman she can only have 1 week in the Bahamas instead of the 2 weeks you usually have , i dont think she will have you carted off & prosecuted
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1 hour ago, Born Hunter said:
I suppose you won't believe me but I accept all that. It's no revelation, despite me "clearly never been in a controlling relationship". How does this law help with any of that? If you or I were in that situation now where we feel we can't leave, why would we initiate or at least support a criminal investigation? How does this law help anyone? Surely you either have the strength to change your fate or you don't?
I'd have no issue with schemes being funded to give people the tools to make that choice easier. Does this law do that?
For a lot of people it will mean this kind of abuse is seen as a crime rather than a domestic
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1 hour ago, Born Hunter said:
Someone asked me earlier if I had experienced or witnessed this. I'm not going into detail or going to speak of this further but an ex of mine, a lass I loved irrationally, was controlled by a family member for a very long time so he could sexually abuse her and her friends. Her brother even committed suicide nearly taking an innocent with him. That's in the past and will stay there. I just want to say I'm not as distanced from this as some folks think. That behaviour started well into her childhood so she was technically legally protected already, by more than one law at a guess.
Anyway, back to the discussion. I accept that emotional control is a 'thing', I'm not denying it. I acknowledge it is harmful and abusive. That it can be a precursor to actual physical assault or murder. I'm not ignorant to that or dismissive. My problem is that we are treating adults in a consensual relationship as prisoners. Threats of violence are already legislated against. Acts of violence are already legislated against. Making this decision as a society, that people can be held in a 'consensual' relationship through 'controlling behaviour' (that isn't already illegal) to me is dangerous.
I'd have to ask how many victims of this control, that can so easily lead to violence, will be saved by this law? If they have the strength to pursue a criminal investigation, do they not have the strength to just leave? Bearing in mind that all the other associated consequential shit (risk of assault, homelessness, murder etc) are already illegal in some way? What really is being achieved?
Now ignoring the effectiveness of this law in achieving protecting people from controlling relationships, I'm instinctively against this. This is really the crux of it for me. I fundamentally consider adults to be responsible or have the free will for their own actions, we make good choices and bad choices but I fundamentally want to be considered responsible and behave as a result of free will. This law sets a precedent for me (or at least reinforces it), that we should not be considered to have free will. It sets the precedent that being a c**t should be punishable by law. I just think it's dangerous and won't actually have much in the way of a positive impact. Because the point at which a person in such a shit relationship supports a criminal investigation they have already found the strength they needed to take responsibility for allowing it to happen. That moment will change that person for ever.
I fundamentally consider adults to be responsible or have the free will for their own actions, yes if your not the primary carer of children .... you cant decide to go away for a weekend & leave the kids to run them selves ... once you have kids they figure in every second of every day of your life.... you plan life around there needs & as you have clearly never been in a controlling relationship you wont have come across the phenomenon of '' I cant manage on my own''
Alot of women actually believe they cant manage without the abuser , there brainwashed into believing that ... its why women go back to abusive partners , its frustrating for the people trying to help them but its very frequent.
There is nothing worse than being told your kids will end up in care if you leave... lets face it I mistakenly thought the babys asthma meds had been lost... no there on the top in the kitchen ... f**k me I am going mental.... i wasnt going mad..... old saddo was f***ing my head up with his games
its all part & parcel of living with a narc prick.... look up gaslighting , look up triangulation ........ bin there done that got several tee shirts .... its how they operate
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It reminds me of Educating Rita...she was married & worked as a hair dresser ..her old man wanted the stereotypical family & sat night in the pub having a sing song with the family...she wasnt happy just plodding on doing what was expected of her so she went to night school ... she had to hide her contraceptive pills from him & he found them ... he also burnt her books to stop her studying ...its simply a form of control
I wanted to do a diploma in criminology but I knew if i had booked the course it would have been a nightmare .... I will do it before I get to senile ... wont use it for anything ... but it will give me a sense of pride that I tackled it & had a go even if its only scratching the surface on the subject
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17 minutes ago, Born Hunter said:
Kay, I don't even know how to respond to that without making you think I have no sympathy for a person in that situation, as you were. I'm not ignoring you and I welcome your input. I'll try to respond but I want to try to give it some thought to make sure it's sensitive yet still representative of my position on this law.
Dont sugar coat it
... each story will be different , my case is if I had tackled the control element in the early days he would probably have been a quivering mess once tackled... but I am older & wiser now ...on the other hand he may well have done some physical harm ...at the time I wasnt going to risk it ... I would have walked away if there hadn't been the kids to consider .
I can understand its hard to see this kind of situation unless you have witnessed it or experienced it first hand over a prolonged period of time like years & decades
for a lot of people it becomes normal & you do find yourself making excuses for there behaviour to other people
Its like I had no experience of depression & i would have been very unsympathetic & been in the '' pull yourself together camp'' until I experienced it briefly & saw how disabling it is ... my lifes been eventful I have never thought of myself as a victim.. the good things in my life far outweigh the few shitty bits
my glass is always half full
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1 minute ago, jukel123 said:
Jesus Christ. Give me 5 mins with the b*****d.
This kind of treatment goes on in millions of homes ... we only hear about it when someone dies at the hands of the abuser or the victim fights back & it results in a death ...man & women both get abused .i guess women are more likely
I remember its why they invented family allowance for women whos husbands came up the pit with there wages & drank it away
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2 minutes ago, John d said:
If you knew it was happening
100 % spot on John, I can only draw from personal experience & I couldn't confide in anybody because I knew he would make my life a misery if I did. & I didnt know if he would harm the kids, that unspoken threat loomed over me 24/7 ... I think people think you have to be beaten to a pulp for it to be abuse & control issue.
Things like him hiding my sons asthma meds & then them re appearing & him saying it was there all the time & it was my hormones & my baby brain.... he stood over me while I ate, he prepared food & he went through the bins incase I had had something he knew nothing about ... if i wasnt in at lunch time when he came home I was in for a night of abuse off him. i had to wear what he said... have my hair how he said.... eat what he said...
He stood behind me almost every day with his hands on my neck & put enough pressure on my neck to let me know he was boss.... it only stopped when my lad got physically strong enough to floor him.... he had lost the control then so he moved on thank god
I worked at the pub cleaning & on a friday he would be waiting at 12.30 when i knocked off to have my wages off me for food.... he would buy a carrier of food & spend the rest on cider.... my mom fed my youngest most days while the abuse was at its worst .... my parents knew nothing about the abuse because the perps are the model parent & husband to the outside world
I had no money & no place to run to its abuse & control....one thing I do know he is such a coward & couldnt face meeting me at his grandsons 1st birthday tea..... so he fell out with the lad over a petty issue he had about his dog & my lad not wanting the baby in the same room as a hyper springer ... all he asked was his dad put the dog in the kitchen for half hour & it resulted in a nasty letter where he threatened my lads Mrs with harm .
I would do time for the b*****d now , I aint the same person I was then
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Controlling comes in many guises , example woman & bloke have kiddie... relationship breaks up, woman uses child to control bloke, denies him access unless he adheres to '' her'' rules... its control.... woman is homemaker , bloke keeps her short of money, she is pretty much tied to the house... with no car or money to use public transport... its control
Take it from me being in a relationship where control is a daily occurrence it breaks you down over time..... most unpleasant scary time of my adult life , this woman is clearly not right & deserved to be sentenced
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I cant draw paint or do anything artistic but while I have been hibernating over winter & not getting out with my camera I have been having a mess with acrylic paint & canvas , just a canvas I have done to stick on my wall in the kitchen ,I used an airel view off a rain forest with water creeks as my inspiration
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10 hours ago, Dinosaurs said:
Kay. What an honest & sad post. So glad that you & your kids now in a happier place. Hopefully you didnt have to endure any protests & just goes to show various reasons for termination.well done to your lad. Atb to you& your family. Atb
No it was dealt with at the hospital ,was only investigated as I had the coil fitted & I didnt know at the time but the rate for ectopic pregnancys is slighty higher when a coil has been fitted , it was a strange one as normally i would have opted for the pill but i had what they thought was a chest infection & my breathing was terrible so as a precaution they admitted me to hospital , thats when they discovered a blood clot & it was an injection in the stomach to break it up
I had already got the 2 lads who where healthy , if that pregnancy had been a normal one I still dont know to this day what I would have done , my circs would have been identical , so I believe nature decided for me
I think to go through a wanted pregnancy to full term & deliver a dead baby has to be crucifying though .
The youngest boy is who i am closer to,my eldest was from my 1st brief marriage in 1986, ,my second husband did the male lion thing he couldnt eat him
so he drove him away , he went to his dads at 14 & although I do have a good relationship with my first husband & his second wife , my sons a little like me aloof & a loner, so I dont see a geat deal of him , we are in contact but on his terms , he is apparently like it with his dad & step mom also.... he is a bit of a drifter , gentle lad but has no real direction
The youngest lad saw a lot more of the odd way we lived, he is well set up & well adjusted f**k knows how he turned out so well
, I think life got easier here once the boy was physically bigger than his dad , there was a pattern first lad left at 14 & he left here when the youngest lad was 15 , he knew i was less likely to fight back with little kids around ,but in reality the drink had dulled his reactions because he didn't duck as quick
Lifes good these days my grandsons a lovely little lad ,just started having hissy fits as they do at 2 which I kind of laugh at because I can hand him back , he loves being in there little garden , my sons started to make it the kind of garden to attract the bugs etc , this is him when he saw a lady bird
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Socialization
in Earthdogs & Working Terriers
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my bitch 13 month old is full on when meeting other dogs , she just wants to race round with them , dont dogs get a bit '' guardy'' when there on there leads & restrained anyway in some circumstances?