mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 What's red and white and lives in a tree? A sanitary owl A blonde goes to a sales man to buy a TV, "I want that TV" the man replies, "sorry, I don't sell to blondes. She went home, died her hair red and went back to the sales man, "I want this TV," "again, "Sorry, I don't sell to blonbes" Frustrated, she went home, shaved bold and went again " I want this TV!!!" agian, "sorry I dont sell to blondes". The blonde screams out" HOW THE HELL DO U KNOW I'M BLONDE!?!" he replies, "Caues thats not a TV, it's a microwave!" Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 bored then matty Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 bored then matty you guessed Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 bored then matty you guessed why not go to bed if your bored Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 NEXT, hope the next 1's better Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Given up drinking to train for a marathon (half), now cant sleep.. Well not so much given up...as moderated...lol A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
just jack 998 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 better Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 well i am bored stiff Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?" "Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. "Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down." "Just because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man. "No, because he's heavy," says the vet. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 well i am bored stiff Why not go to bed then??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 well i am bored stiff Why not go to bed then??? No i had a domestic , i wont go now , teach him a lesson that wil saying no to me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 well i am bored stiff Why not go to bed then??? No i had a domestic , i wont go now , teach him a lesson that wil saying no to me Nowt so scary like a woman scorned My misses tried that approach with me in November...........................................she's still swaiting for the reaction Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 well i am bored stiff Why not go to bed then??? No i had a domestic , i wont go now , teach him a lesson that wil saying no to me Nowt so scary like a woman scorned My misses tried that approach with me in November...........................................she's till swaiting for the reaction well its not right saying we could go out at 1am & then when i get my coat on he backs out , he wonders why i go on the pc , he is so boring Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mattydski 560 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 well i am bored stiff Why not go to bed then??? No i had a domestic , i wont go now , teach him a lesson that wil saying no to me Nowt so scary like a woman scorned My misses tried that approach with me in November...........................................she's till swaiting for the reaction well its not right saying we could go out at 1am & then when i get my coat on he backs out , he wonders why i go on the pc , he is so boring Where on earth were you going out at 1am??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kay 3,709 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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