Don't Look At Me Like That!!!

[Guest Ditch_Shitter]

Well, alright, it's Not the best of nights for it, is it? I mean, you purists are probably long since tucked up in bed with Bob Bucknell? Quite honestly, my window's so barricaded up against the prevailing elements these days that all I get to see out of it is a crack of sky. And, at night with the light on, that sky always appears inky black to me. Wasn't untill I stepped out the door, all kitted up and ready to rock 'n roll, that I realised it was starry enough for McClane and still as a wait!

 

Doesn't bother me though. I work to two basis'; One; that an animal has to feed and is quite as likely to be peckish, regardless of most 'night types'. Two; That I won't see the bugger if I'm sat here, contemplating my crack all night!

 

Besides which, I felt the urge. No what it's like. A man. On his own. Feeling The Urge. No one to stop me, was there? So I did it. Got my rifle out. Fitted the lamp and blew out the door.

 

Haven't gone forty yards up the track and, for some obscure reason - or maybe quite the opposite? - I first checked the home acre and gave the top field a quick shine. Then I started scanning the bog, back down below. I've had the lamp on charge for god knows how long now and I think it showed! Bog did anyway.

 

And then, to my delight and surprise, so did the eyes! Usual, brightly opaque yellowy things they were. Which, as all you over twenty one, actually been out there and did a bit, learned beyond hear say and the written bull, will actually know can mean: Fox, cat, hare, badger, cow, sheep, horse, so on and so forth, pretty much infinitum! In short; If they're ruby red? probably a rabbit. But 'yellow' can cover a multitude of innocents which it'd be a sin to fire at.

 

So, I promptly genuflected to the gods of the terriffic shot and rested the rifle on a fence post. They rewarded me straight away by murmering in my left ear - my good one - " Watch that top wire, son! Remember ye running Pat's mains box through that f*kka! ". That was handy!

 

Excusing myself, I settled down to study the eyes. Which, of course, promptly 'went out'. Not to worry. Been here before. I watched and waited ..... There they were! Oh! Gone again! No, no; They're back! Not going anywhere. Just vanishing for a moment, then reapearing. WTF's going on here then?

 

Now, due to both my training, my own innate sense of self preservation (and that of others) and just generally being an all round good egg; No f*cking way was I about to just let that direction have a 35gn Ballistic Tip though my Hornet at this perfectly proscribed hundred yards! It was pretty damn certain that I'd hit what ever it was, if I did fire. I was perfectly calm. Perfectly alone. Perfectly resting - wood only - on a perfectly heighted post. Everything was perfect. Except I didn't have a damn clue what I was looking at, looking up my beam!

 

Then it vanished. Then I waited. Then it reappeared. This thing certainly wasn't up for a quick get away.

 

Figuring how there's nothing down there but uncut juncas rush, I worked out that this thing was, obviously, in amongst the stuff. Now, if we figure that ye average, unmollested juncas probably stands at around the foot mark high? So this thing was most likely looking over or through it. Yeah? That was another problem, of course. I'm not in the business of blinding things with the dust of a Ballistic Tip as it explodes against a stem of rush, right in front of somethings yellowy shining eyes. Throw in the fact that I'll only ever open fire on a clearly recognised target and The Thing was, thus far, really quite safe. What it was playing at down there, I don't know. But it was so doing in relative safety.

 

Mheanwhile, this blinking in and out caper got me to thinking: It obviously wasn't a cow. Pat's heiffers are in the field to the left of the bog right now. Saw them there late this evening. Not a cow. I mention cows because a cow could lower and lift it's stupid, empty head while grazing. Thus appearing much as this thing was.

 

What ever this was then, it was either standing up, them laying back down again. Or it was stood there, raising it's head to look at me. Then lowering it again, to play mind games with me! This thing was taking the piss! I had half a mind to put a round between it's eyes, just to show it how harmful to health taking the piss out of me can get!

 

Then the eyes disapeared. I was geting used to this by now. I expect you are? But here's the f*cking punch line ....!

 

They reapeared. Same place. Same colour. Same eyes. Hadn't moved an iota; Foreward, back, left or right. But ye'll never guess what they were doing now? They'd gone from the normal, horizontal plane - side by side, like this; . .to try out examining me from the Vertical plane! Like This! :

 

That was f*cking It! I don't go out there, all tooled up and purposeful, bathing in my own self image of Professionalism and cold, unemotional detatchment from my lethal duty, just to have some f*cking animal playing peek a boo with The Hit Man. Then go looking at him like that, and like that from behind a clump of f*cking juncas!

 

I got a right moody on! Flicked off the lamp. Muttered under my breath and stormed off up the track in a right huff!

 

Look at Me like : ?! If I wasn't so genuinely stringent in my own principles of correctness in handling a weapon? () I'd have shot the c***ing f*cking thing just for taking the piss!!! : Indeed!

[Guest oneredtrim]

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Edited May 2, 2008 by oneredtrim

[Bosun11 537]

As ever, simply a brilliant read......Thanks Ditch

[Guest Frank]

....................................What the feck were you looking at Ditch????

[SportingShooter 0]

Its those Grey Squirrels, Ditch, they are out to get you already. Another Excellent read, I cant wait for the book.

Regards

SS

Edited May 2, 2008 by sportingshooter06

[cúagusgiorraí 57]

Hi DS

What about an owl? They will move their head like that. It could have been plucking a bird on the ground or something like that.

[Geoff.C 0]

Another good yarn from DS. One day we may all find out what you were watching? Good idea from cuagusgiorrai.

[Guest Frank]

Hi DS

What about an owl? They will move their head like that. It could have been plucking a bird on the ground or something like that.

 

Nice one, that sounds about right... I was out lamping too last night and seen a good few owls..

[Guest Ditch_Shitter]

Ye know, thinking about it ~ in the cold light of sobriety ~ it does add up that an owl might be down there, doing that, doesn't it?

 

Shit! Can ye imagine if I'd been one of those 'Shoot the lights out' boys? Gone down there and found a puff of soft feathers? I'd have never forgiven myself!

 

Only one thing niggling me, and of which I'd like concrete confirmation, please? Has anyone here ever lamped a 100% certified owl? Do they have the right rod and cone set up to come back as yellow?

[arcpest 6]

Ye know, thinking about it ~ in the cold light of sobriety ~ it does add up that an owl might be down there, doing that, doesn't it?

 

Shit! Can ye imagine if I'd been one of those 'Shoot the lights out' boys? Gone down there and found a puff of soft feathers? I'd have never forgiven myself!

 

Only one thing niggling me, and of which I'd like concrete confirmation, please? Has anyone here ever lamped a 100% certified owl? Do they have the right rod and cone set up to come back as yellow?

 

 

Hi DS

A few years ago while lamping rabbits we had a set of eyes vertualy the same as bunnies as we got closer low and behold it took off it was a small owl 6 to 8 inches tall so in this case the eyes do stand out

 

arcpest

[Gav 1,708]

Nice one, if I could stop chuckling I would write more

[Ratman2 2]

That's a cracker Ditch, you had me rolling with laughter and enthralled to the last word, you should be writing a book mate.

 

Oh! by the way, I recon it was an owl too.

[SportingShooter 0]

Look like this Ditch, this is a Great Horned Owl, nearest I could find.

[BlueCoyote 0]

i'm late on this but it got a good laugh out of me i wasnt expecting that.

 

i dont know the rules of lamping, but do you think it would have run/flown off if you had tried to get closer?

[Guest JohnGalway]

I think it was this guy