Uncle bob

[RossM 8,149]

The teacher gave her class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

 

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

 

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

 

"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

 

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

 

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

 

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a Green Beret in Vietnam and his helicopter got hit. He had to crash land in enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

 

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

 

"Don't f**k with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

 

[BEARINATOR 2,916]

:laugh:

[RossM 8,149]

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o'course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyser test." Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me??!!"

[graham4877 1,181]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: f*****g crying over that!

[The one 8,582]

ten polish fans were arrested last night for mindless violence in Poznan. They were immediately deported back home to Britain !