Halfinch 51 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 An Asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a Good Fairy who grants him three wishes. For the first wish the Asylum seeker says " I am hungry so I'll have some food" Pow!!!! A banquet table appears, full of food. For the second wish the Asylum seeker says " I want a nice house" Pow!!!!! A mansion appears complete with swimming pool. For his third wish the asylum seeker says " I want to be a Real Englishman" Pow!!! Everything vanishes! "Where has everything gone?" Asks the Asylum seeker. "Now your an Englishman, your not entitled f**k all" says the Fairy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SEAN3513 7 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 very good...................and oh so true!!!!! cheers sean Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chimp 299 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest lurchers n lamps Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The one 8,597 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 :clapper: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bullterrier Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
herdwick 52 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being assaulted by the wife with a broom and having the guts to say "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the lads smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping the wife on the ass and having the balls to say "You're next" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy0211 2 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 englishman, scottishman and a paki are in a car and crash. they die in hospital and arrive at the pearly gates together. They are told there isnt room, the englishman says ill give you 50 quid to send me back down, and he does, the doctor says as he wakes up 3 hours later, "fukin hell, you died 3 hours ago" englishman replies "ye, i paid 50 quid and gt to come back down" doctor says what about the scottish man and the paki?? englishman says the scot is trying to get it down to 25 and the paki is waiting for the council to pay it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
herdwick 52 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered "Those are lie-clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie-clock. Every time you tell a lie the hands move." "Oh" said the man. "Whose clock is that?" 'Thats Mother Teresa's" replied St Peter."The hands have not moved indicating that she never told a lie" "Incredible" said the man "Whose clock is that?" St Peter responded "Thats Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his life" "So where is Gordon Brown's clock?" asked the man. "Gordon Brown's clock is in Jesus' office" replied St Peter "He's using it as a ceiling fan" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wolly 4 Posted March 28, 2009 Report Share Posted March 28, 2009 f*****g Awsome Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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