For The Humourously challenged amongst us

[simba 1]

[Cornio 0]

Go on then, here's one.

 

A man walks into a bar and sees his mate with his head in his hands and looking despaired.

He asked what the matter was.

 

"Well" says his mate "You know that gorgeous woman from over the way?"

 

"Yeah"

 

"Well, I asked her out on date and she said "yes" the only problem is that every time I see her, I get an erection"

 

"Well that's not so bad, what did you do?"

 

"I decided to duct-tape my knob to my leg."

 

"So, how did the date go?"

 

"Didn't happen, when I called for her she answered the door wearing a really sexy black dress, breasts almost popping out and lovely long legs."

 

"What happened?"

 

"I kicked her in the face."

Edited November 20, 2008 by Cornio

[simba 1]

I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

 

I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to f**k off."

[jackard 36]

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

 

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

 

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

 

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

 

The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "£650."

 

"£650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.

 

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you £50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional £600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

 

 

[Coney 3]

Quality..