Joke

[The one 8,626]

I was testing the children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

 

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?'

 

'NO!' the children answered.

 

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?'

 

Again, the answer was, 'NO!' By now I was starting to smile.

 

Hey, this was fun! 'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again.

 

Again, they all answered, 'NO!' I was just bursting with pride for them.

 

Well, I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'

 

A six-year-old boy shouted out,

.

.

.

.

.

..

'YOU'VE GOT TAE BE f****n' DEID`

[The one 8,626]

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant.

 

'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'.

 

'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.

 

 

The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks:

 

So, Murphy, how was your day?'

 

Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.

 

'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'

 

'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

 

'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir' says

Murphy.

 

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?'Asks the

doctor.

 

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young

gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the

Blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and

her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs

And shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not

seen any man!''

 

'Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.

 

'I put drops in her eyes.'

[will.f11 24]

haha