A Modern Parable

[Foxgun Tom 75]

I thought this was quite clever

 

A Latter-Day Parable

 

The inspiration for this 'tongue-in cheek' thread came from Sheriff Drummond's speech at the Scottish Police Wildlife Conference earlier this year.

 

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth; and it was good. He created Man, and gave him dominion over all the beasts of the field and the birds of the air. The People harvested the birds and beasts from the land, and were content.

 

And it came to pass that some of the People lost their way, and wandered into the wilderness, where there were only predators and scavengers, for Lo! the wilderness was being managed as a National Nature Reserve. They departed from the ways of the People, but became exceeding cunning, and learned to speak the language of the snakes and weasels they found in the wilderness.

 

When they returned from the wilderness, they were shunned by the rest of the People for their devious ways; and they became bitter, and darkened their faces against the People, and plotted against them. In their bitterness, they began to worship the false god Ant, and became known as Ant-is.

While the People slept, the Ant-is began to build a great wall between the People and the land the Lord had given them. They told the People that the wall was good; and the People trusted them, and were not afraid. Yea. unto the fifth generation, the Ant-is increased the stature of the wall by stealth, and still the People were not afraid.

 

The Ant-is began in secret to befriend the rulers of the People by gifts of gold, and moved among them in great numbers; and many of the Ant-is became like unto rulers, until verily, it was sometimes not possible to tell them apart.

 

And the wall grew greater, until the People were surrounded on all sides, and could not see a way out; and they were afraid. They asked their rulers for help, but the Ant-is had poured gold in the rulers' ears, and they could not hear the pleas of their People.

 

The People called to their rulers in a loud voice, but the influence of the Ant-is was by this time exceeding great among the rulers, and they did nothing; And the People were now sore afraid.

 

Lo! For many years, the People tried to destroy the wall. For three generations they smote the wall with their heads, and had only exceeding sore heads to show for it: Yet the wall still grew greater.

 

Lo! It came to pass that rich men among the People came together, and saw that the wall was yet increasing in stature; and they were afraid that they would not be able to follow the traditions of their forefathers.

 

And they gathered together a great weight of Gold, and cast it at the wall, in the hope that the wall would fall under the weight of the Gold; But Lo! The Gold was not enough to break the wall. When they saw that the wall still stood, they were again sore afraid, and they prayed to their false gods.

 

And their prophets told them that the false gods would hear their prayers if they made sacrifices. They asked their prophets what should be sacrificed; and the prophets went into the wilderness for forty minutes and forty seconds to pray for guidance.

 

When they came back from the wilderness, sorely lacking in port and cigars, the prophets said that the false gods had spoken to them and said that the People should be sacrificed. So it came to pass that the People were thrown to the wolves in great numbers, and there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth, for Lo! they had many terriers and lurchers with them.

 

And the false gods were satisfied by the sacrifice, and caused a small door to open up in the wall which would not admit a man on horseback. And for many years, the sun did not shine on the People .

 

After a time, from the north, there came a small band of the People, who said, verily, we would not trust these false gods as far as we could spit; for we have long memories. And nobody had told them that the wall could not be destroyed, so they did not know.

 

Lo, they sent a man by stealth to look at the wall exceeding close; And because he did not know that the wall could not be destroyed, he used the eyes that God had given him. And he saw that the wall was built of the excrement of bulls, and verily, there was a lot of it. And he saw that the excrement was held together with lies and statistics instead of mortar; and he fell on the ground and thanked the Lord.

 

And there was great rejoicing among the People, and they rose up and rushed at the wall in great numbers and destroyed it, but some also brought law-yers and account-ants and used them to smite the Ant-is, and drove them back a great way into the wilderness, so that they would never again return. And they set men to watch for ever lest the Ant-is tried to rebuild the wall.

 

And God saw this and said, let the Ant-is live forever in the barren wilderness, with the predators and the scavengers of the air, for that is what they would have created all over the earth, and it is fitting.

 

This thread is of course entirely fictional. If anyone should mistakenly feel that anything in the article is unduly critical of them in any way whatsoever, perhaps they should think carefully about why this should be the case.

 

Tom

[Malt 379]

Good read there Tom.

[zap 4]

right f**k it i,m as thick as mince but is he basically saying the anti,s are a bunch of twats ? tom be gentle with your reply

[Foxgun Tom 75]

Lo, and behold the Lord thy God also made Feckin Twats!!!! On the 7th day the Lord rested !! on the 8th he created pieces of shit by mistake and called them "Antis"

 

Tom

 

right f**k it i,m as thick as mince but is he basically saying the anti,s are a bunch of twats ? tom be gentle with your reply

Edited April 1, 2008 by Foxgun Tom

[zap 4]