JOCKS

[tote 870]

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door

[david2363 42]

Nice one :clapper:

[ferreterwithnets 0]

HA HA LOL NICE ONE ENY MORE

[tote 870]

Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.

She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"

Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"

[weejohn 3]

brilliant

[tote 870]

Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.

The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"

Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"

[david2363 42]

Scotsman sitting next to a beautiful blonde on a transatlantic flight.

He asks her "what line of work are you in"?

She says "I'm writing a book on the sexual prowess of males of every nationality" She goes on to tell jock that she has shagged all the various races during her research.

 

And what are your findings asks Jock? - Who is the best in the world?

 

"Hmmmm she says , difficult , - its between the red indians and the Scots"

 

Very interesing says Jock.

 

At the end of the flight she says "nice meeting you, whats your name anyway?

 

Quick as a flash Jock says....................................

 

 

 

 

TONTO MACGREGOR