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[tote 870]

The Train Journey

 

Four people in the carriage of a train - a Welshman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and an English Rugby Player.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Englishman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him". The pretty young blonde thinks "I bet the Englishman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him". The Englishman thinks, "I bet that Welshman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me".

The Welshman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that English t**t again".

 

 

"Little Red Riding Hood "

 

Little Red Riding Hood is getting ready to visit her grandmother in the forest when her mother says, "You shouldn't be out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because the Big Bad Wolf is out and you know what he'll do....... he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off."

Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a big ol' shotgun and said,"Don't worry, Mommy, I've got it covered."

So, off Little Red Riding Hood goes, walking through the forest. Soon, she comes across the three little pigs. One of the little pigs runs out from their brick house and warns, "You shouldn't be out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because the Big Bad Wolf is out and you know what he'll do........ he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off."

Little Red Riding Hood pulls out her big ol' shotgun and says, "Don't worry boys, I got it covered."

Sure enough, as Little Red Riding Hood continues through the forest, she comes across the Big Bad Wolf. He roars, "You shouldn't have come out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because you know what I'm going to do! ........ I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off."

So, Little Red Riding Hood lifts up her little red dress, pulls down her little red panties, and lays down on her back with her legs spread apart. Then, she points the big ol' shotgun at the Big Bad Wolf and says.........

"Actually, Wolfie Boy, if you know what's good for you, you're going to eat me like the book says!!

 

 

 

A Total Blow out

 

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his Mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The Mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his Mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his Mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

 

 

 

 

“ Big Surprise!â€

 

Peter met Sally in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the night Sally invited Peter back to her place.

There they got involved in a very heavy, passionate and energetic session!

Finally, tired and very satisfied they both lay back in bed and after a short while Sally started to caress Peter's manhood!

Surprised but appreciative, Peter commented " Surely you can't be ready for more?"

Sally replied " No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic and miss the days when I had mine!"

 

 

Boobies !â€

 

A family are sitting at the dinner table when the little boy asks his father " How many different kinds of boobies are there dad?"

A little gobsmacked, the father answers " Well, when a woman is in her twenties, they are like melons, round and firm. When she is in her thirties and forties, they are like pears, still firm enough but starting to sag. When she is in her fifties and over they are like onions. When you see them they make you cry!"

This infuriated the mother and daughter, so the daughter asks her mother " Mum, how many types of willies are there?"

The mother, a little surprised, smiles and answers...........

" Well dear, a man goes through three phases, each like a different type of tree. In his twenties it's an oak, mighty and hard.

In his thirties and forties it's a birch, flexible but still reliable.

In his fifties and older it's a christmas tree……..Dead from the root up and the balls are only for decorations!"

 

 

 

 

Kicked Farm style

 

A young boy who lives on a farm, comes down stairs to the kitchen and asks his mother

" What's for breakfast Mam?"

His mother replies " Have you done your jobs yet?"

So the little boy goes out into the farmyard to feed the chickens and kicks one of the chickens, then he feeds the pigs and kicks one of the pigs. Across to the barn to feed the cows and kicks a cow.

Back into the kitchen for his breakfast, his mother has put a bowl of dry cereal for him. He asks " Where's my bacon and eggs? I can't eat dry cereal!"

His Mother says " Well my lad, you kicked the chicken so no eggs for a week, you kicked the pig so no bacon for a week and you kicked the cow so no milk for a week!"

With that the boy's father comes in and accidently kicks the cat.

The young boy says to his mother " Shall I tell him or will you.......and before mum could answer the son blurts out.." Dad you won't be getting any pu$$y for a week!"

[the fezz 44]

[Tallyho 181]

i like the train one