You Think Your Dog's 'Hard' ? Just Try My GOAT!

[Guest Ditch_Shitter]

I've been inspired to tell ye this one after reading MickC's misadventures Here.

 

I really didn't know where else to put it, but this one bears telling. It's apalling, what happened, but it was all done under some most expert guidance and opinion ~ most especially a Qualified Vetinary Surgeons. Still my advice is Don't Try This At Home and remember; I'm talking about a Goat here. They're a universe apart from Dogs and, quite possibly, much else on this entire damn planet. Get this though:

 

I have a male goat who I got as a kid and we get along great. He's proven an endearing and responsive little thing. I love him to bits.

 

I also have a male donkey who I bought as a yearling. Both my goats and donkey shared a shed untill the donkey, upon approaching sexual maturity, I guess he suddenly saw the male goat as a rival. Result? He f***ing near ate that little sukkas back legs off! Near as damnit ham strung him!

 

Now, you have to understand that this is Not England. Ireland is a differant country altogether. Differant race of people entirely. Have their own ways and views. I was appalled to find my seemingly crippled goat, basicly dragging one leg while hobbling on the other. I asked my mate, Tom. Tom's a born and reared 'Stockman, as are so many around me. " Oh. He'll come right in a couple of weeks. " was Tom's casual observation. I trust Tom.

 

Days later, that damn goats legs, around the chewing sites, were up like purple balloons! Puss was actually running down his legs!!! F*** This! I'd heard vet's, here abouts, wouldn't leave their surgery to treat a Donkey, much less bother about a goat. This is prize Cattle country. Cowz are Kings. I was tearing myself apart.

 

In desperation, thinking 'What would people have done in the old days?', I started a nightly regimen of squeezing the worst leg out. OMFG! :sick: Rivers of yellowy puss flooded the 'stock shed floor! Then I syringed a couple of pints of saline solution into the hole I'd made. All the time enduring a waking nightmare that some 'Animal Welfare' types might find my shed and I'd be on tv, classed as a Monster. But that little goat never once batted an eyelid as I did all this! Not a squeak. No physical reaction. Just sat there and let me work.

 

I asked Pete, another well accomplished 'Stockman. " Naaah. He'll be fine. " He assured me. I burbled that my goat obviously needed Anti Biotics. Vetinary care. An Operation! Pete shook his head in despair.

 

I mentioned my nightly vigil and syringings to Joe. Joe sells all sorts of preperations I've never heard of. Proper stuff; For cowz and sheep. Didn't He have anything for my goat? Joe pointed out that only a vet can sell me anti bio's. Furthermore, he said that what I was doing would likely only keep the wound open! He suggested I leave well alone! WTF?!

 

F*** it. F*** them all! Born and bred around live stock they may be, but I was off to The Man! I went to the Vet's.

 

F***er leaned back in his chair and heard me out, disinterestedly. Hooded lids never once batted as I described the limping, running only with Puss little goat. My petition for anti biotics. " But I'd have to come aaaaallllll the way out there to administer them ..... " He said. Letting the financial inferance hang. This guy Really Didn't want to leave his warm surgery for my smelly stock shed. His advice was to just leave the goat the f*** alone!

 

I left the goat the f*** alone .....

 

And, ye know what? As I looked at that fat, happy, glowingly healthy creature just this evening, eyeing me with his 'drug crazed', weird, goaty eyes. Chewing, belching and rumbling as only goats do. Thick, lustrous coat and four strong, agile legs. I just couldn't help but wonder: How many of us, or our Dogs, could go through that and just simply Heal Themselves to bounce back without a murmer?

 

BullX? BollX! You want 'Hard'? Try crossing a Goat with a Greyhound!

 

As we speak, I'm working on a programme to breed a tiny, tubular strain of goats of my own. Go to ground, in the defense of Game, and face Anything. Then Nut it to death!

 

 

Goats; Ye gotta love 'em!

[Ricky-N.p.p 0]

Next time yer stuck for anti biotics call th doc tell him you have an absess in yer mouth and the dentist says you need them and get him to send yer prescription to the chemist..... i done this to get antibiotics for my dog and it worked. :whistle:

[Guest Frank]

Glad your mate the goat is back on his legs again Ds.

Great read, i know what your going threw with the vets.

Prehaps i should leave my ferret to f**k too, might just get better. :11:

 

Frank.

[shotup 9]

once had a billy years ago and this is a true story.... this billy was given to me by an old fellow that found his roaming to much. at the time i had an allotment down a country lane that was well used as a short cut by the public. billy goats are well known for pissing on themselves and stink worst than a shed full of skunks. he used to break out of the field with ease then run up to a passerby and rub his stinky head down them. people got sick of going home stinking and one day the old bill came to my front door stinking to high heavan with the goat on a length or rope saying it had attacked them and to keep it locked up.also they were going to send me cleaning bills but i told them id sold the goat the day before and that they must take it away as it wasnt my property and to find the owner. they withdrew thier threats of cleaning bills and begged me to take the goat which i did saying id find the owner.a day or so later i walked down to the local butchers which was next to a zebra crossing as he was serving me some meat cars started pulling up and tooting thier horn we both peered out of the window to see an old woman being shagged on the zebra crossing by the randy billy goat. i dashed out side and pulled him of much to the applause of the spectaters presant who thought i was saving the woman but didnt know it was my goat as i dragged it stinking away up the lane. i sold it that day thinking the old bill will be banging on my door but they never came near... i wonder why..that was my last goat.

[Guest Ditch_Shitter]

once had a billy years ago and this is a true story....

 

As soon as I read those immortal words, I Knew I was in for a Good one!

 

 

they withdrew thier threats of cleaning bills and begged me to take the goat

 

By the time I got That far, my laughter was resounding off the walls!

 

 

Now that I've finished it, I'm wiping the f***ing tears away! Brilliant annecdote, mate!

 

 

 

Incidentally; Liturally *today* I brought home my own new Secret Weapon: A Hozelock 'Professional' hose (ye know the yellow ones?) On it's own reel, with the full set of attatchments. 25m job. €40 something. I'm chuffed to bits. A week ago, as my billy started 'maturing', I realised I'd have to muck out and then hose out his shed every week. Heh! Oh yeah? Well, in the space of that one week, I've now realised that stinky f***a's gonna need hosing out at least Twice a week!

 

My christ! Just how f***ing foul can those b*stards get?!

[shotup 9]

you can forget mace just arm yourself with a tin of billy goat piss... best detterant yet , no mugger would come near you. get it bottled up mate and you will be on a nice little earner.