Are you a REDNECK too?

[mattydski 560]

She put me through this simple test.

60% is a pass rate folks

YeaHaaaaa

 

 

 

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

 

 

You do as good as me cletaus?

 

Matt

[mattydski 560]

Apparently i have to abide by the RED NECK etiquette now.

 

Just in case you pass too, here it is folks

 

 

PERSONAL HYGIENE

Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.

 

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

 

Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

 

Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.

 

Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.

 

DINING OUT

When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

 

Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.

 

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

 

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

 

Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa.

 

If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

 

DATING (Outside the Family)

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

 

No matter how broke you are, never take your date flowers that were stolen from a cemetery.

 

Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago."

 

Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the boy's responsibility to get her to school on time.

 

If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.

 

Even if you can't get a date, avoid kidnapping. It's bad for your reputation.

 

THEATER ETIQUETTE

Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

 

Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

 

WEDDINGS

Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

 

Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.

 

When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

 

Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.

 

A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.

 

For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

 

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

 

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

 

Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

 

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

 

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

 

Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

 

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

 

TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.

 

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

 

Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.

 

It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

 

Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

 

The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.

 

If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

 

Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.

[mattydski 560]

Also you might be a redneck Jedi if....

 

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

Your Jedi robe is camouflage.