markieboi 0 Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U Q. What is the fibula A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure A. A Roman Emperor Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face Q. What does the word 'benign' mean A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mark01856 7 Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 that stupid, i got a good joke but i think it a bit sick to tell right now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sounder 9 Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 he did not get them right but 24 out of 24 for being a smart c**t, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
markieboi 0 Posted April 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 i got it in a email early Quote Link to post Share on other sites
markieboi 0 Posted April 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 whay comment saying its stupid then surly you would just click the back the mind boggles Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest oldskool Posted April 11, 2008 Report Share Posted April 11, 2008 Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow.... come on now, that lads needs an A+ for that one lol.... always a favourite of mine>>> Q. what do you call a fly with no wings??? ANS... a walk Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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