Long winded pensioners behaving badly mark 2Mark 2.

[jukel123 9,801]

So we got to the North of England's nirvana on Sunday night and hit the town. We played the one armed bandits and dined on endless candy floss, toffee apples and greasy fish and chips.

We slept in locked cubicles in public toilets on the road to Fleetwood and had an undisturbed but cold night.

Next day we made a beeline to the amusement park and had never ending trips on the big dipper and dined on more candy floss and toffee apples washed down with lemonade. We met a couple of girls who were playing truant for the day and treated them to more trips on the big dipper. We were kings for a day and were determined enjoy life whilst the sun shone.

On the tunnel of love I kissed my girl passionately even though I had drawn the short straw and Harry bagged the looker before I could. Later on I fumbled with her breasts but when I tried more serious stuff she told me to f**k off. I was only 13 so I was mightily relieved she had set limits.

Next day we met up again but the attraction has begun to wear off. Certainly on their part because they told us we " f***ing smelled" as a result of sleeping  rough. So we said our goodbyes and made our way to the swimming baths for a shower and a swim. We stayed in Blackpool for another two nights but failed to gain employment on any of the fair rides because we were far too young looking, even though we lied about our age.

On our final night, the police were waiting for us outside the toilet where we had been kipping and we were taken back to face the music. 

We were questioned about the crime of century, robbing the gas meters. We stayed stum. They did the bad cop,good cop routine. Slapped us about and then gave us  a biscuit and a cup of tea. Told us we had informed on each other. And then asked us how our mothers must have been feeling whilst we were missing. That line really got to me and I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying. That would have been a fate worse than death.

As it happened there were no charges. Happy days.

Back at Bleak house next morning we were marched into assembly and given 6 strokes of the cane each. We were told what rubbish human beings we were and that a lifetime of jail awaited us.

There was status at stake in taking the  cane. If you made a big fuss and kept losing your nerve and whined and moaned, you were  dumped to the bottom of the pecking order. If you took it  without flinching and maintained a non concerned body language you gained high points. If you grinned as the staff were laying into you, it was top marks. Me and Harry chose the latter and infuriated the headmaster.

We were put on cleaning duties for a week. Tbh it was a week's holiday from class. Classes were set for the dopiest kids, so we bored stiff reading books intended for 5 and 6 year olds

We were cleaning the assembly hall with a mop and bucket each when along came a scouser who was universally hated by staff and kids. He deliberately walked muddy football boots over an area we had taken over an hour to clean. We were just taking a sly smoking break and as he passed us he grabbed the packet of fags I was handing to Harry.His parting words were" thanks c**t" Suddenly a red mist descended on me and I reigned blows on the back of his head with the wooden end of my mop. Harry, not to be outdone, grabbed the metal mop bucket and with a circular bowling motion clonked him on the side of his head with it. He slumped on the deck moaning gibberish . I was scared to death thinking we had killed him, but we quickly cleaned the muddy prints he had left, cleaned his blood off the bucket and told a member of staff. We said he had slipped on the wet floor. Off he went to hospital and stayed the night.

Naturally we were questioned.  I'm pretty sure the staff had a good idea what had happened but were secretly delighted. He really was a psycho c**t of the highest order. Most of the kids were sad not bad. But he was the opposite. A real sadistic psychopath.

That night I barely slept wondering how badly injured he was, but next morning he arrived back with a huge bandage wrapped around his head. Everbody had put two and two together and he had lost huge credibility, whereas we had gained lots of street cred. Result!

To be continued. The holiday in Corfu is eventually coming. You just have to wait until tomorrow's long winded bollocks......