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Bar joke


Guest lurcher-lass

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Guest lurcher-lass

Women Are Evil By Nature...

 

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub... She gestured

alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the

manager?"

she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands

 

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running

her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I

can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running

her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple

 

of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or

paper towels in the ladies room.

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Guest lurcher-lass
nice one :laugh:

 

 

There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde.

They all worked together at an office.

Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early.

So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.

The boss left and so did they.

The brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning.

The red head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date.

The blonde went home and walked into the bedroom.

She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.

The next day, the brunette and the red head are talking about going home early again.

They ask the blonde if she wants to leave early again.

- No, she says, yesterday I nearly got caught !

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Guest lurcher-lass

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to hospital.While in intensive care she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up"? God said "No you have another 43 year's, 2 month's and 8 days to live".

Upon her recovery,she decided to stay in hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair colouring and whiten her teeth!

After her last operation she was discharged from hospital.While crossing the road she was run over and killed by an ambluance!

Arriving in front of God,she demanded "I thought you said I had anotherb 43 year's.Why didn't you pull from the path of the ambluance"?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God replied "I didn't bloody recongnise you"

 

:doh::laugh:

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