Lol

[The one 8,628]

From now on I believe in The Prophet Mohamed.

I decided to go to the Mosque for a first time to see what it was all about.

 

I sat down and the Iman came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said

by the will of Allah the All Mighty and the Prophet Mohamed you will walk today.

 

I told him I was not paralyzed.

 

He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing.

Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.

 

After the prayers I stepped outside and lo and behold my f.......ng car had been stolen.

 

[The one 8,628]

12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on TV and Radio

 

 

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator – 'This is really a lovely horse. I

once rode her mother.'

 

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator –

'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

 

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – 'And this is Gregoriava from

Bulgaria .. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

 

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 – 'Ah, isn't that

nice.. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford

crew..'

 

5. US PGA Commentator –

'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before

each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ........ Oh my

god !! What have I just said!’

 

 

 

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live'

said:

'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

 

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed

and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight

inches you promised me last night?'

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because

they were laughing so hard!

 

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:

'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

 

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like

this. '

 

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:

'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

 

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male

astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in

his shorts.'

 

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny

Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:

'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by

himself.'

[The one 8,628]

WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said,

'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!'

'Nonsense,' the doctor said...'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors

May have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.

'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

"Well, said the doctor, let me ask you this.
How often do you have sex???"


The man seemed a bit ashamed..'I've been working very hard for the past year.

We only made love once or twice every fewmonths.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently....



"It's Rust."