Lol

[The one 8,402]

Mick and Paddy


Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy.

The three men had always done everything together.

Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Mick said, 'Nope, ain't Stew.'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Paddy in to confirm the identity of the body.

Paddy looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Paddy said, 'No, it ain't Stew.'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Paddy said, 'Well, Stew had two arseholes.'

'What? He had two arseholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

There's Stew with them two arseholes!

[The one 8,402]

Three corpses turn up at the mortuary, all with verybig smiles on their faces.

The Coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress.

Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner.

"Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What about the third body?"

"Ah,' says the Coroner, this is the most unusual one.Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector

"Thought he was having his picture taken."

[The one 8,402]

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's

door bell,

with a big bunch of flowers.

 

She opens the door, sees the flowers,

and drags him in.

 

She lies back

on the couch, pulls her skirt up,

rips her knickers off and says

​ ,

'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Paddy,

 

'You must have a vase somewhere!'