Guest Ditch_Shitter Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 Just fed my Dogs and that, of course, as always entails chopping lumps of raw meat and bone over my tree stump. Well, I s'pose I really should be concentrating on what I'm doing there. Sharp hatchet and all that. But I must admit, I tend to find the whole process a little mesmarising and I actually lend mysef somewhat to day dreaming as I work. Yeah, I know. One of these days ....! Anyway, I was chopping away there and it brought back to me a seemingly perfectly cosher story about the rather less than tidy execution of a former british king. I read about this in a book, decades back. Haven't a clue what the book was about and certainly can't remember names now. But I thought I'd tell ye what happened back then anyway. One little preface, by the way; Executioners, down the ages, actually have a habit of proving themself quite normal in the head. That is to say, they're not pschopaths or sadists. Just ordinary men set to do that job. I say this as evidenced by the well enough doccumented fact that more than one public Hangman, before Pierrpoint sorted out the science of the issue, was known to have rather cocked it up too. And things like seeing a pretty, seventeen year old girls head ripped half off by ones rope apparrantly does have quite an effect on one! Such men have gone over to drink or even out of their minds as a result of such unfortunate results of their own incompetance. But back to this king; We'll call him Charles. So, king Charles is all set for the chop. The executioner, " Thud " was also the bloke who topped the last king, let's say James, not so long before. (Hell of a period to be going and doing something stupid like becoming king of england then!) Only Thud had made a real 'Hatchet Job' of that one. None of this single blow and off we go. Seems he was hacking away for ages and, quite understandably of course, getting ever more flustered with every misplaced swipe. Seems he rather made chips out of poor old James. So, knowing this, Charles is said to have told Thud; " Make a better job of me than ye did of James and my man there, in the front row, has a nice big bag of coin for ye ". Then he knelt down. Placed his neck on the block and signalled Thud to give it his best shot. And Thud f*cked it! Took another swing. Head and body still cojoined. I'm quite sure he actually got three hacks in before the truly appalling bit happened. Seems Charles actually took what was left of his neck off the block. Got to his feet. Looked Thud most meaningfully in the eye and then got back down for the rest of the proceedings! I honestly don't remember how it's said Thud the Axeman finally got the job done. But I do know it said how the kings man with the munge later shook his head in disgust and quietly slipped away, bag in hand. How f*cked up is that, eh? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mad al 146 Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 DS, that's like something you'd expect from the "Monty Python" crew . I don't think anyone in their right mind would be in the "Could be Monarchy" list then . Mind you, could be a good thing to bring it back as a deterrent for the "present day" politicians . Sort the fecking lot out then Al Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Rabbiteer Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 The strangest of things. I was working with Dr "X" (an Iraqi) recently. Not strange I hear you say! Well said Dr X, just to be a DR had to be a member of Saddams party when he was back in his home land. This required him to carry out the duties of a good party member. Sounds rather 1940ish! Anyway his saturday job for being allowed to be a Dr was to attend and certify all of the executions that were performed in his town/district. He seems quite a normal chap, but then I dont ask to many questions......................... The NHS employ him now......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
martin 332 Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 The strangest of things. I was working with Dr "X" (an Iraqi) recently. Not strange I hear you say! Well said Dr X, just to be a DR had to be a member of Saddams party when he was back in his home land. This required him to carry out the duties of a good party member. Sounds rather 1940ish! Anyway his saturday job for being allowed to be a Dr was to attend and certify all of the executions that were performed in his town/district. He seems quite a normal chap, but then I dont ask to many questions......................... The NHS employ him now......... He don't drive a JEEP do he? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest MOLLY Posted July 20, 2007 Report Share Posted July 20, 2007 To think i moan when ive got a sore throat MOLL. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bosun11 537 Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 We talkin Charles the first Ditchy? Thing is about the Stuarts it was all done with a bit'o flair an aplomb! My fave death of a monarch has got to go to Edward 2nd, poor fecker. Only surviving son of Edward 1st ('ol Longshanks, he who gave Mel Gibson a feckin bad time!). Now, if ya seen the film, 2nd was, lets say, bent as a fiddlers elbow an a constant embarrasment to his old man . On the death of 1st, he picked up the title but was never interested in administration or being a King (far to buisy playing 'hide the salami') . Yep, he did marry that fit French bird Isabella but she wasn't exactley the sweet thing in the film (though its always nice to think she was that hot!). He was a constant embarresment to her royal French blood. She struck up with a opponent of the king, one Rodger (very apt) Mortimer an fecked off back to France. Anyways, there was a bit of a Barons revolt, as most of 'em were a bit hacked off at 2nd's crappy monarchy. Which was brewing for a while, largley down to the fact that 'The Bruce' had 'twatted' him at Bannockburn, a few years earlier, assuring Scottish independence. This revolt ended up with the deposition of 2nd and Isabella an her new fella (that wasn't supposed to rhyme) nipped back an imprisoned 2nd, in Berkley Castle, Gloucestershire. Now Isabella was a bit of a fiend, she needed 2nd dead but didn't want it to look like they'd given him a bad time, no marks on his body, so they come up with....'cum vero ignito inter celenda confossis'..........yep, is a bit of a mouthfull but in english is, disembowelling with a red hot iron inserted up his arse (an I thought Mel had a bad time of it at the end of the film)!! Now that'd make ya eyes water !!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
the ferreter 0 Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 ditch i had googled the same info but theres no point putting up the link now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest JDF Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 this'll be where the term red hot poker up the jacksy came from then lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nelson 0 Posted July 21, 2007 Report Share Posted July 21, 2007 i'm sure getting a good clean swipe isn't that easy, yes those murdering jap b'stards did it with them samurai swords but i remember watching one of those Michael Moorer films where the saudi's lobbed some wrong doer's head off with a couple of swipes Then there was the iraqis getting there own back on saddam and his mates, pulling a few heads off, not as easy as we all think i dare say Leads you to admire firstly old Pierrepoint for his artistry and them smelly french feckers for inventing a way to do it a bit better. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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