THAT PETER KAY THING

[tote 870]

The Genius of Peter Kay:

 

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1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,

"Thyroid problem? "

 

 

2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I

realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked

him to forgive me.

 

 

3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go

swimming.

 

 

4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get

on with my real ladder.

 

 

5) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.

But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may

break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there

on it was sticks and stones all the way.

 

 

6) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably

why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

 

 

7) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd

better have a good hand.

 

 

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour

said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

 

 

9) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

 

 

10) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and

give the wrong answers.

 

 

11) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Kay's questions...

 

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1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

 

 

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to

the core of the earth

 

 

3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

 

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your backside

 

 

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is

stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

 

 

6. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

 

7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for

centuries' have a 'use by' date?

 

 

8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a

horrible crisp no one would eat?

 

 

9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

 

 

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll

squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

 

 

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

 

 

12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but

don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?

 

 

13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

 

 

14. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

 

15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion

stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is

wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

 

 

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad

at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of

the window?

[Tallyho 181]

some of them on there made me chuckle, i watched him last night, very funny