tee hee

[nod 285]

There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for

the first time. The first lady said: 'I don't know bout y'al but I'm

gonna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I get on dat plane’.

 

'Why you gonna wear dem fo?' the other two asked.

 

The first replied, 'Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare

laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first’.

 

The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe-esant

orange panties’.

 

'Why you gonna wear dem’? the others asked.

 

The second lady answered, 'Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and

I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first’.

 

The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties...'

 

'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.

 

The third lady says, 'Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I

ain't wearing any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey

always look for da black box first.

 

 

 

Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get

me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been

living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.

 

What is nasal sex?

f**k nose.

 

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful

bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for fucks sake, some of us have got

homes to go to!'

 

Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big

fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.

 

Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting

your bloody tee ready!

 

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's

voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or

lamb?'

I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'

She replied, 'You're having soup you fat b*****d, I was talking to the cat!'

 

Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.

Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.

Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a go!

 

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham .

 

In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and

says, 'Curry Ok?'

I said, 'go on then, just one song then f**k off'

 

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn

cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

 

Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom

machine. They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert

£2 and push knob in'.

 

 

 

6 Irish Americans have drowned whilst dancing on bin landens grave