MORE JOKES

[tote 857]

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and the Indian replies, "ear sticky".

 

A nun is teaching at Sunday school and asks the class " When you die, which part of you goes to Heaven first?"

Little Susie puts her hand up and says " It' must be your hands, because when you pray you put your hands together, so God must lead you to Heaven by your hands!"

What a lovely answer the nun tells her.

 

Little Johnny has his hand up and says " Well I think it's your feet, last night my mother was in bed with her legs straight up in the air screaming " Oh God I'm coming!" and if it wasn't for my father on top holding her down we would have lost her!"

 

The Nun Fainted!!!

 

 

two dyslexics in a car one said can you smell petrol the other said dont be daft i cant even smell my name

 

 

 

Osama Bin Laden has been caught Sh*****g Sheep, later when questioned by the police, He said that they were Islams and He could do whatever he wanted with them.

 

 

 

A woman went to her boyfriends parents house for Christmas Dinner.

 

This was her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

 

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

 

The woman began to feel a little discomfort. Thanks to her nervousness

and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains were almost making her eyes

water.

 

Left with no other choice, she decided to relieve herself a bit and let

out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the

poof.

 

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boy-friends father

looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair,

and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

 

The woman thought, this is great and a big smile came across her face.

 

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.

This time she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer

"rrriiippp"

 

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

 

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the

woman had to let another one rip.

 

This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that

rivaled a train whistle blowing.

 

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,

"Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"

 

 

A woman eating at the bar in a Scottish pub suddenly began to cough.

After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress.

Two locals, MacKenzie and MacDonald standing further down the bar turned to look at her.

 

Kin ye swallie ? Asked MacKenzie.

 

The woman signalled 'No!' , desperately shaking her head.

 

Kin ye breath ? Asked MacDonald.

 

The woman shook her head NO !!!

 

With that, MacKenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her backside.

 

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm, that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breath again.

 

MacKenzie swaggered back down the bar and took a deep swig of his whisky ..

 

MacDonald said in admiration, "Ya know MacKenzie, I'd heard of that bloody 'Hind Lick Manoeuvre', but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it".

[Guest The Shaman]

[MAACCY 105]