tote 870 Posted January 29, 2007 Report Share Posted January 29, 2007 A Glesca Burd goes tae the Social tae register fur child benefit. "How many children?" asks the cival servant "10" replies the girl "10???"says the cival servant...."what are their names?" " Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec,Alec,Alec, and ..... eh ...Alec. "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naw.." says the girl. Its great coz if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist hiv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNERS READY or ALEC GO TAE BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it "What if you want to speak to one of them individually?" says the civil servant. "At's easy," says the girl... Ah jist use thur surnames"!! A Glesga Burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress", she says "Come again" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "Naw" she replies " This time it's mayonnaise!". A Glesga Burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's ok I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions" Girl: "Ok" Medic: "Whats your name?" Girl: "Morag" Medic: "Ok Morag is that your car?" Morag: "Yes" Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?" Morag: "Springburn". A Glesga Burd was driving down the [bANNED TEXT] when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her "Listen Doll, I jist heard on the news that thur's a motor gaun the wrang way on the [bANNED TEXT]. Better watch yersel". "It's no jist wan motor" says the girl, "There's Feckin hunners!" Anurra Glesga Burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the ground. Medic: "Ok, I'm going to check if you're concussed". Danielle: "Ok" Medic: " Ok how many fingers am I putting up ?" Danielle: "Oh my God I'm paralysed from the waist down!". A Glesga Burd and a Weegie Guy are in a bar when the girl notices something strange about the Nikes the Guy is wearing. She says " Here mate, am no tryin tae take the piss ur any'thin like that, but how come you've goat an L oan wan o yer gutties 'n' an 'R' oan ra urra wan? >The guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies, " Coz am a bit thick so a huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' a R oan ma right wan" "Feck sake" exclaims the girl " So that's why ma thongs've goat C&A oan thum!!". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bigbob Posted January 29, 2007 Report Share Posted January 29, 2007 >Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's >forthcoming wedding. > >"Ach, it's all going grand," says Jock. "I've got everything organized >already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the >minister, even ma stag night... > >Archie nods approvingly. > >"Heavens, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jock. > >"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's braw, you'll look pure smart in that!" >"And what's the tartan?" Archie then enquires. > >Och," says Jock, "I'd imagine she'll be in white ..." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
david2363 42 Posted January 29, 2007 Report Share Posted January 29, 2007 An auld Glesga wumman wins an all expenses trip to London, staying for a weekend at the Dorchester Hotel. On the first night she makes a call to the hotel reception which goes like this... Auld Glesga wumman -Hello rerr son, Ah huvny goat any pepper, can ye send some up tae room 621? Posh bloke on reception - And which kind of pepper would madam require?- black pepper or white pepper? Auld Glesga wumman - Ur you takin the piss son? - aH want some TOILET PEPPER. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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