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I was squatting in a flat the other day when the owner walked in.

 

He said, "What the hell are you doing?"

 

I said, "Having a shit mate."

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Why is everybody having a go at Venezuela?

 

They're not even playing at the World Cup!

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What do you call a Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?

 

Referee.

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France are now fighting for survival and hoping another country helps them out.

 

I've heard this story before.

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Rob Green has trained today and in 3 hours he had 4,000 shots fired at him and did not concede a single goal. Tomorrow, he and Heskey will train with the rest of the squad.

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My wife called me an annoying c**t the other day.

 

I almost choked on my vuvuzela.

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England will be playing Algeria on Friday evening.

 

If you don't want to know the score... watch it on ITV HD.

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