Lee85 44 Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 I paid three grand for my wife to have a boob job - she was happy. I paid four grand for her to have a nose job - she was delighted. I treat myself to a £30 hand job at the local brothel - and she goes mad. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was watching the news earlier and the lady from Derrick Birds cab office said, "He seemed a nice chap, quiet but popular. He didn't show any indication he was capable of something like this." I thought to myself, typical f*****g taxi driver, not indicating. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Germany wins Eurovision then four days later an old WWII bomb explodes "unexpectedly". Carlsberg don't do timely reminders, but if they did.... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command. ------------------------------------- I explained to the doctor, "Whenever I harvest our cornfields, I get a really bad headache." "It's a migraine," he explained. "No, it's not, it's mine - and why the f**k have you started speaking Italian?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- American scientists have finally developed a car that runs on water! Sadly, so far it only works with the water from the Gulf of Mexico. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Has anyone else noticed that an anagram of Heskey is "You've f*****g ruined my world cup you twat!!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven. The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-size car. The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car. A week later the three men met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry. "What's the matter?" "I just passed my wife, and she was riding a BIKE!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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