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My wife and I had a huge row last night, she called me gullible and said I was "financially irresponsible."

I can't wait to see her face when I tell her I've just won the Nigerian lottery.

 

 

My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.

I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."

She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"

"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a shit."

 

 

My wife is a right darling.

She's got big f**k off eyebrows and always takes my beer and fag money off me.

 

 

 

Walked into HMV and the assistant said "Good morning".

I said, "You too".

He said, "Second aisle, first shelf on the left".

Funny f****r

 

 

BBC News: Size 16 girl in Miss England final

Sounds more like Miss Whales to me.

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