BenBhoy 4,706 Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 46 minutes ago, Sausagedog said: Had another moment the other night. One leg over a barbwired fence, other leg slips and I go backwards gashing one leg on the wire and ruining a pair of trousers. Fortunately it wasn't my new pyjamas! Or my ball bag!! Haha I had something similar few years back when had my own ewes. Been shearing all day, absolutely fuckeřeđ. Missus turns up with some drink & ice lollies - good wife. She also left gate open that led onto some very well kept allotments- bad wife. I leg it down field to head them off, and dive between two strands of barb from when there was beasts in here. Get in front and push dolly & baaaarbara off Mrs. Smiths prize marrows. The wife found it all hilarious until we both noticed the crimson soaking through inside leg of my shorts (she asked if I needed a tampax!) When had proper look, I'd slashed a 3 inch long beauty down inside of my leg. Only by grace I kept my bollocks that day (thankfully I reckon they were sweat stuck to inside of other leg!!) If anyone wants a photo of scar send me your WhatsApp & a fiver! 6 Quote Link to post
David.evans 5,323 Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 Perv Quote Link to post
BenBhoy 4,706 Posted January 25, 2022 Report Share Posted January 25, 2022 18 minutes ago, David.evans said: Perv 3 Quote Link to post
Dervburner 2,548 Posted January 26, 2022 Report Share Posted January 26, 2022 10 hours ago, BenBhoy said: Haha I had something similar few years back when had my own ewes. Been shearing all day, absolutely fuckeřeđ. Missus turns up with some drink & ice lollies - good wife. She also left gate open that led onto some very well kept allotments- bad wife. I leg it down field to head them off, and dive between two strands of barb from when there was beasts in here. Get in front and push dolly & baaaarbara off Mrs. Smiths prize marrows. The wife found it all hilarious until we both noticed the crimson soaking through inside leg of my shorts (she asked if I needed a tampax!) When had proper look, I'd slashed a 3 inch long beauty down inside of my leg. Only by grace I kept my bollocks that day (thankfully I reckon they were sweat stuck to inside of other leg!!) If anyone wants a photo of scar send me your WhatsApp & a fiver! PM sent...... 4 Quote Link to post
BenBhoy 4,706 Posted January 26, 2022 Report Share Posted January 26, 2022 2 minutes ago, Dervburner said: PM sent...... Received.... I hadn't realised we were going to compare! ☺☺☺☺ 4 Quote Link to post
Sausagedog 7,381 Posted January 26, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2022 Talking of idiots....what are the vegans going to do now. What Is a Plant's Scream? According to a study on tobacco and tomato plants by Tel-Aviv University, researchers found that when stressed, certain plants produce an ultrasonic sound that is undetectable to the human ear. Keep in mind that being stressed can be caused by drought, insects, and yes, by being cut.8 Apr 2021 1 Quote Link to post
Stavross 13,713 Posted January 26, 2022 Report Share Posted January 26, 2022 (edited) So vegans can’t eat plants now because they feel pain and scream, looks like a lot of vegans are going to starve to death oh well Edited January 26, 2022 by Stavross 2 3 Quote Link to post
Sausagedog 7,381 Posted January 26, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2022 I'm just off to the patent office with my tomatoes plant stun gun prototype! 8 Quote Link to post
Alsone 789 Posted January 30, 2022 Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 I did a good one fishing. Had to climb a metal gate next to a busy road in muddy wellies. Got to putting my leg over and being stood over the top of the gate by a couple of foot, at which point one leg slipped off closely followed by the other. A rapid vertical motion followed in which I snookered myself, followed by a rigid body sliding off the gate sideways onto the pavement on the road side right in front of all the passing traffic. Luckily I could get up, but the lets just say I didn't play snooker for a while. To add insult to injury, got water licked as well. 3 Quote Link to post
forest of dean redneck 11,183 Posted January 30, 2022 Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 On 25/01/2022 at 21:29, BenBhoy said: Haha I had something similar few years back when had my own ewes. Been shearing all day, absolutely fuckeřeđ. Missus turns up with some drink & ice lollies - good wife. She also left gate open that led onto some very well kept allotments- bad wife. I leg it down field to head them off, and dive between two strands of barb from when there was beasts in here. Get in front and push dolly & baaaarbara off Mrs. Smiths prize marrows. The wife found it all hilarious until we both noticed the crimson soaking through inside leg of my shorts (she asked if I needed a tampax!) When had proper look, I'd slashed a 3 inch long beauty down inside of my leg. Only by grace I kept my bollocks that day (thankfully I reckon they were sweat stuck to inside of other leg!!) If anyone wants a photo of scar send me your WhatsApp & a fiver! Do you take PayPal ? 4 Quote Link to post
BenBhoy 4,706 Posted January 30, 2022 Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 27 minutes ago, forest of dean redneck said: Do you take PayPal ? No, cos then you'll want a refund once you're disappointed! 4 Quote Link to post
forest of dean redneck 11,183 Posted January 30, 2022 Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 8 minutes ago, BenBhoy said: No, cos then you'll want a refund once you're disappointed! Damn sussed me 1 Quote Link to post
comanche 2,799 Posted January 30, 2022 Report Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) On 20/01/2022 at 11:10, FOXHUNTER said: I used to do a lot of rabbitting in the Borders and loved working the terrier marking the dry stone walls and pulling out the rabbits. Now the whole farm was electric fenced to the mains. One day I was trying to extract a rabbit from a wall when my forehead touched the electric fence and sent me flying 6 foot in the air landing on my back , my mate was killing himself laughing but all I could do was cry my eyes out , not through pain but I was in shock. I am now terrified of electronic fences ......oh and I continued and still got the rabbit This reminded me of when l was a Keeper and l'd spent some time crouched in a thorn thicket at dusk trying to pick off magpies as they came in for the night. When it became too dark to see l set off ,with the gun under my arm, across the fields using the distant glow of the yard lights to navigate by. Unfortunatly l'd forgotten about a newly erected , mains-powered sheep fence. .. l blundered straight into it , and in so doing was afforded first hand knowledge of the electrical conductivity of AYA No 4 side by side barrels. But worse- still ; l became briefly entangled and disorientated before thrashing myself clear. My scream was heard 200 yards away in the yard . Totally my fault for being forgetful but it was a truly awful experience! Edited January 30, 2022 by comanche 1 3 1 Quote Link to post
Deker 3,450 Posted January 31, 2022 Report Share Posted January 31, 2022 (edited) I was going to keep this quiet due to embarrassment and the laughter it prompted from those I have told, but seeing as this incident is remarkably similar to at least two others experiences, here we go. Are you sitting comfortably? Last August I was on one of my regular farms, I straddled a barbed wire fence (my normal route) holding the fence down with some pressure, I lost my balance, my rifle slipped on the strap over my shoulder, I grabbed for that and the barbed wire sprung straight up into my crutch like a bow string. A barb must have been pointing directly upwards as I was speared in the groin, millimetres from the crown jewels. After emitting a few choice words and extracting myself from the impalment, I noticed a warm feeling in the area which turned out to be blood. A few more choice words, and decide it was prudent to head back to the motor for some plasters. Unfortunately I was a good half mile away and by the time I got there I was covered in blood and incredibly uncomfortable, visions of Femoral Artery were rushing through my mind, but seeing as I was still alive I guess not! As soon as the strides came down and I could see the mess, a trip to Casualty seemed appropriate, there was what appeared to be a lot of blood. Then of course, "I don't want this mess on the leather car seats" but fortunately I had the seat protectors in the boot, so off I went! I was greeted and seen remarkably quickly in the hospital, mainly due to the blood mess all over me. Placed in a cubicle and laying down on the treatment bench a doctor and nurse turned up dressed like they were about to treat an Alien, Full gowns and serious masks/gloves etc. After poking around an asking the usual whats and hows and cleaning up the area, which was still bleeding, they decided a Tetanus and a soldering iron was in order!!! I enquired about the Femoral and why it was still bleeding and they laughed about the Femoral but concluded I had hit a blood vessel. The wound was very small, although the full depth of a barb, (they were long barbs) a straight in and out, so they decided to solder it rather than stitch it. This was new to me, they gave me a local anaesthetic, had another good prod around in the wound and turned up with this machine which looked jut like a soldering iron, all I know was the smell of burning flesh when they attacked me with it was seriously unpleasant, I should add, at their request, I was holding my nuts out of the way for them whilst they were attacking me, and the hole in my leg was eventually sealed!!!! Then the really fun part, an enormous plaster was stuck over the whole area, and it was a really difficult shape to cover, and nobody had bothered shaving any part of the area before this!!! "Here's another plaster for a few days time as well, all should be well in 7-14 days, off you go". I'm sure I don't need to elaborate how painful it was to remove the plaster. One good thing did come out of it, I washed the jeans and can you believe it, I really couldn't find the hole, the barb was a direct/straight entry without tearing anything and by the time they were washed I simply couldn't find the hole! The incident has prompted nothing but laughter, I don't remember sympathy from anyone! Edited January 31, 2022 by Deker 8 Quote Link to post
Sausagedog 7,381 Posted January 31, 2022 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2022 Hey....they did seal the correct hole did they? 2 Quote Link to post
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