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I know I’m going to regret it .


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I’ve got a pal called Tim , who I’ve been mates with since school, our wives are friends and we have gone on holidays with our kids and all that stuff . But as well as being friends we are very competitive . But Tim is a complete git and always on a wind up . He has “ got me so many times it’s not even funny “ . One of his best stories that he wheels out is when he came around my house with a video of that film “ midnight express “ . Now for anyone who hasn’t seen it there is a scene where the guy is in prison and his girlfriend visits and gets her breasts out and he knocks one out . My Mrs thought it was disgusting and went in the kitchen to make a brew with Tim’s wife . Tim suggested that while the girls were out we should rewind it and watch the tit scene again, which I did , as I was watching Tim quietly slipped out of the room and told my wife that I wanted to speak to her . She came back in the room and caught me watching the tit scene , the look of disappointment on my wife’s face will stick with me for almost as long as the sound of Tim’s laughter. 
        But I got him back not long after . A car load of us went to the CLA game fair at Broadlands . Tim is a tight wad , and planned to get in the boot to avoid paying entrance . So on the way in I pulled over and Tim climbed into the boot . As we reached the guy selling the tickets I wound down the window and he counted the occupants and told us how much it was , then I said “ oh , and there’s one in the boot “ we walked around to the boot and I popped the boot , but Tim was holding on to the inside , but a couple of us managed to lift it to reveal a very red faced and very embarrassed Tim . And it’s gone on like that over the years , dead trout in wellies, crows thrown into bedrooms in B&Bs, cars lifted on to beer crates  , you name  it , I’ve done it or had it done to me . 
        The latest in the saga happened on Wednesday, Tim and me had no loading so we thought we would go beating as they are always short . Tim had been on a night out the previous evening and told me he felt unwell and not up to anything too physical . He just wanted to go on stop or something easy . We were on the trailer and   the stops had gone in another vehicle, “ what’s the worst place to go , ie the most walking on this drive ? Tim asked “ , “ don’t go with Nichola I said , it’s miles , up banks , through hedges and then through a wood full of brambles “. The keeper stopped the trailer and came around the back . “ Right Nichola , off you get , who do you want with you to do your bit ? I couldn’t resist it “ Tim said he wants to do this bit “ , “ alright Tim you are off here “, as Tim’s frame lumbered and shuffled past me , I pulled up my snood over my mouth to hide my grin and gave him that wink 😉. His face was a picture. 
        Now Tim runs a small shoot and I’m his guest on Saturday and he’s already told me I might only need a couple of cartridges as he is making sure I’m going to be on the worst pegs all fooking day . 😂😂😂 
        He has a Reeves pheasant there which is his pet , “ please god , let it fly over me “👹

Edited by shovel leaner
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1 hour ago, Born Hunter said:

Soon as he's done the morning brief and turned his back....

"Fifty quid to the man who brings me the head of Tim's Reeves!"

It’s even got a name ………” Jim “ as in Jim Reeves . It’s kind of sad , but if I do shoot it , I will be wearing the tail feathers in my hat , ( think chicken George out of Roots or Johnny kingdom) 😂😂

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