The Old Man And The Futon

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

God, that's fukking Grim!

Talking of trains? The only one experience I ever had with them in my entire life ~ apart from being an every day, normal, paying passenger on one. Was one night in a 'Goods Yard', I s'pose ye'd call it? Where the trains went to socialise at the end of their shift.

It was late. Dark. I had some business there and was wandering, aimlessly, from A to B. Across all this gravel and tracks. Quite lost in my peaceful thoughts.

Suddenly, I heard this almighty fukking blare. And I looked up (And up, and up!) in absolute fukking horror as this bloke casually looked down at me from an enormous height.

And this absolute behemoth of a massive machine rolled past. Fukking great wheels rolling by, right where I was about to step!

Joe public only ever sees trains as things they step lightly in and out of, on platforms. We don't realise how fukking high those platforms are, and how much more is hidden beneath our view!

As close as I've come to a cardiac in my life!

[FLATTOP 3,665]

1 hour ago, Ken's Deputy said:

God, that's fukking Grim!

Talking of trains? The only one experience I ever had with them in my entire life ~ apart from being an every day, normal, paying passenger on one. Was one night in a 'Goods Yard', I s'pose ye'd call it? Where the trains went to socialise at the end of their shift.

It was late. Dark. I had some business there and was wandering, aimlessly, from A to B. Across all this gravel and tracks. Quite lost in my peaceful thoughts.

Suddenly, I heard this almighty fukking blare. And I looked up (And up, and up!) in absolute fukking horror as this bloke casually looked down at me from an enormous height.

And this absolute behemoth of a massive machine rolled past. Fukking great wheels rolling by, right where I was about to step!

Joe public only ever sees trains as things they step lightly in and out of, on platforms. We don't realise how fukking high those platforms are, and how much more is hidden beneath our view!

As close as I've come to a cardiac in my life!

It’s another world Ken that a few of us on here are quite immersed in it does get under your skin in your blood so to speak.

[gnasher16 29,649]

22 hours ago, Astanley said:

Kenny ,one man's shabby chic is another man's squalor ,it's just a word ,some think your odd/weird some think your interesting even a bit fascinating, your different in your way of life and outlook and you invite us in an give us glimpses ,that is tacitly inviting opinion ...and  someone using a word that basically means ,a bit scruffy ,shouldn't get you all menstrual.

Exactly that....maybe my cockney accent sent it over a bit harsh but i certainly didnt use the word in an offensive way......ive just looked it up to make sure and it means " unpleasant as a result of poverty or neglect "

I mean,that picture wasnt put up to show how well the chaps doing for himself the geezers falling across the floor of a mouldy room because he cant get off his pallets for crying out loud should people not voice their concern....arrr f**k it !

[gnasher16 29,649]

f****d if i can work out how to attach a picture to a private message Ken....but these.

 

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

Fukk me, lads! This one's spiralling right out of control!

I just thought I'd bash out one of my ~ once more common ~ 'little' anecdotes about my observations on life.

And, of course, like All 'sketches' one leaves out that which doesn't heighten the narrative and plays on the bits which make the story what is aimed for.

Yes. I stood up from my (actually rather posh and high end!) futon. The one which I happen to lay atop pallets, because the (Basically!) posh and polished fukking pallets the futon shops will sell you are just fukking pallets. Only they'll charge ye treble figures for them! I might be a lot of things. But, I'm Not fukking stupid!

And, yes; I then lost my balance and went careering across the room. It was bloody scary ~ I was barely awake and going so fast everything was flashing past me. And, yes; The fact that this old concrete floor has quite a piss on it certainly doesn't help.

But, the simple fact is: I'm legally, technically and medically tested just about 90% fukking Deaf! Have you Any Idea what that does to ones balance?! I find myself teetering, just walking across the room! It's perfectly natural. You'll see!

As for any of the rest of it? Please, don't worry yeselves for me. Bit of white vinegar will have that mould gone in a wipe. I just haven't got round to it yet.

I'm sat here with all the doors wide open. The air is as fresh as outside. When it gets colder? I'll fire up my ridiculously opulent and blatantly 'Flash' little stove. (£250 for the usual pieces of shit this size. My baby? £750.00 and wouldn't look out of place in a Moorland Star! Shoon?!)

Regards the rest? You don't see it and I don't tell you about it. Why would I? Rest assured; I have all the usual creature comforts and I'm as happy and comfortable as I could ever wish to be.

 

Gnasher; You, sir, are a Gent. I've Always had the greatest respect ~ and even admiration ~ for the way you've Always deported yourself, amidst this place.

I thank you for your extremely decent and generous offer. However, I genuinely have neither space, nor need of such chairs. My entire waking times are spent either in this old wreck of a once gorgeous, real leather, " Captains Chair ", at this desk. Or else staggering around like a drunkard!

Other than that I'm horizontal on my futon.

See? Even now, I'm selecting the narrative to suit the sketch? Truth is; I'm breaking my fukking back out in the kitchen! Working on a bit of DIY which ~ if I manage it! ~ will make even Sid lick his lips!

Back to it! Work to be done!

 

[chartpolski 20,409]

Got an old captains chair in the man cave;

Very comfortable

Cheers.

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

Oh! Charts! That is fukking Beautiful!!! And that really Is a " Captains Chair ", isn't it?

Sorry. I just call my old shit heap that because I bought it from a government / Military surplus place. It's really just a swivel office chair. But, in its time? It was a fukking beauty!

Sadly, the decades (Not to mention the Fukking Dogs!!!) haven't been so kind to it

 

 

Yes. That Is a bungy strap. Without which it, and I, would shoot backwards on this fukking flooor!

And, yes; Duct tape plays quite an important role in my life! 

[socks 32,253]

Fukc it sling a hammock across the room lovely comfy sleep and you get on and off it at sitting height. 

[chartpolski 20,409]

7 minutes ago, Ken's Deputy said:

Oh! Charts! That is fukking Beautiful!!! And that really Is a " Captains Chair ", isn't it?

Sorry. I just call my old shit heap that because I bought it from a government / Military surplus place. It's really just a swivel office chair. But, in its time? It was a fukking beauty!

Sadly, the decades (Not to mention the Fukking Dogs!!!) haven't been so kind to it

 

 

Yes. That Is a bungy strap. Without which it, and I, would shoot backwards on this fukking flooor!

And, yes; Duct tape plays quite an important role in my life! 

 

9 minutes ago, Ken's Deputy said:

Oh! Charts! That is fukking Beautiful!!! And that really Is a " Captains Chair ", isn't it?

Sorry. I just call my old shit heap that because I bought it from a government / Military surplus place. It's really just a swivel office chair. But, in its time? It was a fukking beauty!

Sadly, the decades (Not to mention the Fukking Dogs!!!) haven't been so kind to it

 

 

Yes. That Is a bungy strap. Without which it, and I, would shoot backwards on this fukking flooor!

And, yes; Duct tape plays quite an important role in my life! 

Wasn't the Hiroshima Surplus Store, was it ?

Cheers.

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

Ye'd think so; State of the fukking thing now! 

It took me Years to dream up gaffer taping a pair of old tea towels to the arm rests. Before that, I spent about a decade putting up with sore arms!

I'm sure there's something wrong with me! That or I'm of Spartan lineage!

[WILF 44,292]

45 minutes ago, Ken's Deputy said:

Oh! Charts! That is fukking Beautiful!!! And that really Is a " Captains Chair ", isn't it?

Sorry. I just call my old shit heap that because I bought it from a government / Military surplus place. It's really just a swivel office chair. But, in its time? It was a fukking beauty!

Sadly, the decades (Not to mention the Fukking Dogs!!!) haven't been so kind to it

 

 

Yes. That Is a bungy strap. Without which it, and I, would shoot backwards on this fukking flooor!

And, yes; Duct tape plays quite an important role in my life! 

That’s German engineering for you, chair looks like that and still giving service.

 

[Astanley 11,465]

That captain must have gone down with his fukn ship !..it's stretching it a bit calling it a chair .

[gnipper 5,945]

1 hour ago, Ken's Deputy said:

Oh! Charts! That is fukking Beautiful!!! And that really Is a " Captains Chair ", isn't it?

Sorry. I just call my old shit heap that because I bought it from a government / Military surplus place. It's really just a swivel office chair. But, in its time? It was a fukking beauty!

Sadly, the decades (Not to mention the Fukking Dogs!!!) haven't been so kind to it

 

 

Yes. That Is a bungy strap. Without which it, and I, would shoot backwards on this fukking flooor!

And, yes; Duct tape plays quite an important role in my life! 

Half hour in that fcuker I'd be hobbling round like you too. You must have piles on your piles.

[gnipper 5,945]

1 hour ago, Ken's Deputy said:

Oh! Charts! That is fukking Beautiful!!! And that really Is a " Captains Chair ", isn't it?

Sorry. I just call my old shit heap that because I bought it from a government / Military surplus place. It's really just a swivel office chair. But, in its time? It was a fukking beauty!

Sadly, the decades (Not to mention the Fukking Dogs!!!) haven't been so kind to it

 

 

Yes. That Is a bungy strap. Without which it, and I, would shoot backwards on this fukking flooor!

And, yes; Duct tape plays quite an important role in my life! 

Half hour in that fcuker I'd be hobbling round like you too. You must have piles on your piles.

[Ken's Deputy 4,456]

Hey, Wilf?! You're in the business: Ever come across those casters that lock when ye sit down? I'd fukking kill for a set of them!

My old, original ones started getting sticky. Like a kunt I went and bought a set of these roller blade, super glide things Without the bungee cords; I stand up and the fukking chair's off like a whippet!