Shake hands , shake hands THL royal rumble 2020

[THE STIFFMEISTER 14,553]

 

 

ken sat cautiously in the small hedgerow , the insertion to the location had been overnight and stealthy . Avoiding all skylining , he had memorised the ten figure Grid attached to the hunting life summer royal rumble 2020 invite  at a secret location in the midlands . The invite had mysteriously appeared without a stamp , just a plain envelope embossed with the image of a lurcher stood atop a pile of dead phezzies Sammos and big land . Inside lay a message encrypted in the old tongue. 

 

“I’ll fecking invite ye to a summer fecking doo be there at 8 in the fecking morning lol else ya be liward cur lol atb bill” 

 

As ken reconitorred the small rural country pub setting he came across a large 8ft fence . Chuckling at his fortitude , it was no coincidence Ken was Prepared and he reached to the holstered blade at his hip . As he withdrew the 18 inch blade from its scabbard he stumbled against a tree root , removing his final three fingers from his right hand . With his trademarked “Kenoflague” stitching kit , he soon corrected his error and was back in the game . After all he had two ferret courts to clean out that weekend . 

He surveyed the car park , abandoned except for a solitary works van parked square in the centre . Silence surrounded the venue . However with his keen ears , Ken recognised the tones of Duran Duran approaching. 

 

 

 

The ride up the M6 had been tricky for gnash and Wilf . The weather had been warm down south and clad in full Fila t shirt and shorts , the vintage escort rs2000 cabriolet had been the obvious choice as transport , however immediately after passing Watford gap , it had pissed down all the way to the midlands . The journey and the the weather had taken its toll on the vehicle as it limped slowly to a halt in the car park spewing oil and smoke from its engine as it ground to a halt . 

Incandescent with rage , gnash punched the steering wheel with frustration . 

“Farking muvvas c**t, I knew we should have brought the farking rolls “ 

Realisation slowly dawned on wilf and he also became enraged .

“ ere , we’d have made it here alright ya know if London wasn’t so full of f***ing PAKIS !! , I’d blame them myself” 

Gnash nodded in agreement “ and you’d be quite right in that thinking as well my old China “ 

Before the conversation could take a further discourse , a further transit  van pulled up . 

 

 

 

Driven by the worlds tallest left back , decorated with a flag split into the colours of Sunderland , Hartlepool, England and Thailand. Kevin Phillips the greyhound lay dead on the passenger seat , possibly suicidal at the nonsense it had been forced to endure in the drive down the A1 , commentary from the 1973 FA Cup final on a constant loop on the tape player . The van skidded to a halt , the axles bursting and the back doors flying upon spilling its load of two hundred weight of brass cocks all over the car park gravel. Instantly max burst into full sales pitch , donning his wellies soaked in the water of the North Sea and the blood of the ICF 

“Brass cocks ! Get your brass cocks here , two for a tenner ! Massive club !  Joe Bolton ! Fact! “ 

A further vehicle pulls up ,a lad climbs out , Scottish and into CrossFit , we know this as the first rule of CrossFit is that you have to tell everyone you’ve ever met that you do CrossFit . Silently he opens the boot and dons a pair of pads readying himself for the onslaught about to be unleashed . 

“Here rusty lad , I thought you were bringing dogfox  with ya ?” Asks max. 

Without a word rusty terrier points to the road approaching “ I dropped him off three miles away so he can get warmed up” 

An 18 stone colossus emerges into view , carrying a cpcs card in his top left and an assault bike over his shoulder . 

“Bah that was some run ya pot pricks , whose first ? “ 

They all stare at each other , about to rumble however just as dog fox begins his pre warm up cool down on the pads a pensioner emerges from the wood line , 

 

 

 

naturally strong from a career lifting barrels , fully recovered from his bad back  he quickly despatches dog fox with a roundhouse to the bollocks , barely breaking stride and a karate chop to finish , Ray let’s off a high pitched whistle . The trees shake , the ground vibrates , the group look on in awe as the biggest dog in thl history , Buck ,emerges . 

Mounting up into the saddle ,  without a backwards glance , the pair ride off into the distance ray utters the immortal words , words etched into moses tablets. 

 

“He’s an Alsatian x greyhound ya

Know “ 

[THE STIFFMEISTER 14,553]

Part two to follow 

[Daniel cain 42,800]

Fair doos stiff... Did a little pee pee in my kecks reading that

[shaaark 10,112]

6 minutes ago, THE STIFFMEISTER said:

 

 

ken sat cautiously in the small hedgerow , the insertion to the location had been overnight and stealthy . Avoiding all skylining , he had memorised the ten figure Grid attached to the hunting life summer royal rumble 2020 invite  at a secret location in the midlands . The invite had mysteriously appeared without a stamp , just a plain envelope embossed with the image of a lurcher stood atop a pile of dead phezzies Sammos and big land . Inside lay a message encrypted in the old tongue. 

 

“I’ll fecking invite ye to a summer fecking doo be there at 8 in the fecking morning lol else ya be liward cur lol atb bill” 

 

As ken reconitorred the small rural country pub setting he came across a large 8ft fence . Chuckling at his fortitude , it was no coincidence Ken was Prepared and he reached to the holstered blade at his hip . As he withdrew the 18 inch blade from its scabbard he stumbled against a tree root , removing his final three fingers from his right hand . With his trademarked “Kenoflague” stitching kit , he soon corrected his error and was back in the game . After all he had two ferret courts to clean out that weekend . 

He surveyed the car park , abandoned except for a solitary works van parked square in the centre . Silence surrounded the venue . However with his keen ears , Ken recognised the tones of Duran Duran approaching. 

 

 

 

The ride up the M6 had been tricky for gnash and Wilf . The weather had been warm down south and clad in full Fila t shirt and shorts , the vintage escort rs2000 cabriolet had been the obvious choice as transport , however immediately after passing Watford gap , it had pissed down all the way to the midlands . The journey and the the weather had taken its toll on the vehicle as it limped slowly to a halt in the car park spewing oil and smoke from its engine as it ground to a halt . 

Incandescent with rage , gnash punched the steering wheel with frustration . 

“Farking muvvas c**t, I knew we should have brought the farking rolls “ 

Realisation slowly dawned on wilf and he also became enraged .

“ ere , we’d have made it here alright ya know if London wasn’t so full of f***ing PAKIS !! , I’d blame them myself” 

Gnash nodded in agreement “ and you’d be quite right in that thinking as well my old China “ 

Before the conversation could take a further discourse , a further transit  van pulled up . 

 

 

 

Driven by the worlds tallest left back , decorated with a flag split into the colours of Sunderland , Hartlepool, England and Thailand. Kevin Phillips the greyhound lay dead on the passenger seat , possibly suicidal at the nonsense it had been forced to endure in the drive down the A1 , commentary from the 1973 FA Cup final on a constant loop on the tape player . The van skidded to a halt , the axles bursting and the back doors flying upon spilling its load of two hundred weight of brass cocks all over the car park gravel. Instantly max burst into full sales pitch , donning his wellies soaked in the water of the North Sea and the blood of the ICF 

“Brass cocks ! Get your brass cocks here , two for a tenner ! Massive club !  Joe Bolton ! Fact! “ 

A further vehicle pulls up ,a lad climbs out , Scottish and into CrossFit , we know this as the first rule of CrossFit is that you have to tell everyone you’ve ever met that you do CrossFit . Silently he opens the boot and dons a pair of pads readying himself for the onslaught about to be unleashed . 

“Here rusty lad , I thought you were bringing dogfox  with ya ?” Asks max. 

Without a word rusty terrier points to the road approaching “ I dropped him off three miles away so he can get warmed up” 

An 18 stone colossus emerges into view , carrying a cpcs card in his top left and an assault bike over his shoulder . 

“Bah that was some run ya pot pricks , whose first ? “ 

They all stare at each other , about to rumble however just as dog fox begins his pre warm up cool down on the pads a pensioner emerges from the wood line , 

 

 

 

naturally strong from a career lifting barrels , fully recovered from his bad back  he quickly despatches dog fox with a roundhouse to the bollocks , barely breaking stride and a karate chop to finish , Ray let’s off a high pitched whistle . The trees shake , the ground vibrates , the group look on in awe as the biggest dog in thl history , Buck ,emerges . 

Mounting up into the saddle ,  without a backwards glance , the pair ride off into the distance ray utters the immortal words , words etched into moses tablets. 

 

“He’s an Alsatian x greyhound ya

Know “ 

Laughing like f**k here stiffy, fairplay

[Waz 4,203]

11 minutes ago, Daniel cain said:

Fair doos stiff... Did a little pee pee in my kecks reading that

white pee pee?

[Daniel cain 42,800]

1 minute ago, Waz said:

white pee pee?

No the orange smelly kind

[shaaark 10,112]

2 minutes ago, Daniel cain said:

No the orange smelly kind

You not been eating lamb D C?!

[hawki 1,418]

these posts crack me up 

[Daniel cain 42,800]

Just now, shaaark said:

You not been eating lamb D C?!

Hell no... Sooner scratch my own eyes out with a rusty nail

[shaaark 10,112]

Just now, Daniel cain said:

Hell no... Sooner scratch my own eyes out with a rusty nail

Not my favourite either lol

[TOMO 24,839]

anybody that knows ray......would tell you theres no way he would have left before he hugged  everybody

[ginger beard 4,652]

That was actually quite funny and a fair piss take on those in it.

[forest of dean redneck 11,183]

9 minutes ago, TOMO said:

anybody that knows ray......would tell you theres no way he would have left before he hugged  everybody

And no mention of bucks height and weight ?

[Greb147 6,808]

Quality.

[Greb147 6,808]

Part 2 better contain Kings heroics as a paraglider or I ain't buying it.